Taste,Taste,Taste and Taste Again

In this post I want to emphasise the importance of tasting your food!!

It might sound strange to have me say that but you wont believe how often I have to say it. Maybe I like the sound of my own voice, yeah right, you better F.R.O now before I kick your arse too. Why do chefs forget to season or worse forget to taste. Is it down to lack of concentration, to repetitive cooking of the same dish, don't give a toss attitude, it'll be alright chef, or what is it.


I put it down to a couple of reasons. First the chef has to enjoy what they do. By this I mean they have to like to cook!! and not just the odd fish dish or cake now and then, a full-time profession, day in day out. Also the chefs need to be made aware of the importance of taste, you grow to learn taste and flavours, we were not born with the taste of oysters in the mouth or the distinct flavour of ginger. So we have to learn them. How can we learn if we don't taste.

Just the other day I was able to take the night off, well I did just work from 8am to 5pm so I thought I would come in for dinner. We had started a new menu a couple of weeks back and I thought it would be a good idea to see and read and taste it from the other side, the dark side.

All dressed up and smelling nice, wifey and I head out for dinner. We were sat at a table next to friends of mine who just happened to be dinning out. They commented on the menu and food throughout the evening. It was just for that reason that the following took place.


Main meals were being consumed, or should I say not consumed!!!

The waitress asked if all was fine with the meals, and the response was great apart from one dish.

Now just imagine this. The chef of the restaurant is sat in his dinning room eating from his menu having his chefs prepare and cook those dishes. All sounds great, something to be proud of. Well somebody forgot to tell those fucking chefs in the kitchen to have their wits about them and buck the fuck up or you will get your arse roasted.

Back at the table the young lady replies 'I think its a bit salty'.
All shy and embarrassed to say anything, not just because she felt it salty or because I was sat at the next table, but generally she would not be one to complain.

I overheard the conversation, as I do, I try not to miss a thing. I turn and enquire, salty she said, can I try, and so I was given the bowl of pasta.
Holy cow, it was not salty it was bloody salty. You could stand your fork up in the salt. Only after one spoon-full I could feel the inside of my mouth on fire with salt, a real aggressive attack.

It was at this point that I was beginning to rage and with the manager who had just joined us for a drink present that didn't improve the situation.

The waitress took the pasta back to the kitchen, and within seconds the evidence was in the bin. This was not known to me at the time. I proceed to the kitchen, to find a little clarity on this awful situation. Only to see the lost looks on the kitchen team faces.

Did you taste the pasta I shout, where is the plate? In the bin chef. What the fuck. So you didn't try it? Where is the pan, that's got nothing left in it.
Now I find the smallest pot in the kitchen with some pasta left in it. I immediately know what's happened. I taste the water. I am not kidding you when I say that you could float anything on it. You could kill somebody with that saltiness.

The worse thing is not that the water was salty, it is that the food was not tasted at any time during the production of this pasta dish. How fucking stupid is that, nevertheless I did get back to my table and enjoy the rest of my one opportunity out.

I can understand that things get missed now and then, after all we are not cooking for Michelin stars or any accolades, we are just trying to produce good food using the best produce that we can get, for normal people in a small town.
But not to TASTE, TASTE, TASTE, is not fucking acceptable......

P.S I don't expect it to happen again in the near future........

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Customers with Dogs

How very strange. Customers expecting to get a table with their dog!!

I find this a little bizarre. What do you think. Before you bite my head off, I am an animal loving person and do like dogs, but to have them in a restaurant or even on the deck, that's a bit strange and in my opinion not going to happen. It's a restaurant for f..k sake not a kennel, or pound.

Some customers just don't see my side of this and can't quite understand that we don't allow dogs to dine with us...LOL.
Short and sweet post this one but dogs cant read anyway can they.............
Picture courtesy of tallkev/4103068362/ at flicker.

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Fuckwit Friday and Shithead Saturday

I guess you can tell what this post will be about!! Yeah you are right. Once again those fuckwit customers are out and yes it's Friday hence the title. As I am writing this on Monday, I had to add something about those on Saturday so that they didn't feel left out. So Shithead Saturday was born. Friday and Saturday are and will always be the busiest days of our working week, and with that comes all the stress and problems with our beloved customers. The Fuckwit Friday title came to me from our main waitress, I'm not sure if she follows this blog but anyway, it was her who made comment to the common Friday happenings.

This has been going on for sometime now and we have noticed a pattern appearing on both days. Customers are just plain down right stupid and ignorant. They think that just because they have a reservation they own the restaurant. Well no you don't. You don't own your waitperson either and you certainly don't own the chef.

So because of your reservation you think you can have the restaurant changed to accommodate your needs. Well if you had respected the call made to you to confirm numbers and any special requirements then maybe we could have done something for you, but to walk in at 4pm and hand over some cakes then to let us know that you will be less numbers, and looking into the restaurant, asking if that long table along the window is yours, well no. Then to get upset trying to say that you will sit outside then, well no, that is also booked out. Your tables mam are these two nine's.
If you had said when we did call you and you refused to speak with us. Never mind we will see what we can do. The lady then went to the reception and complained to the manager. WTF.
After the phone call asking if we could rearrange the restaurant we explained that we had done it already and that the SB should get a life.

That is a common occurrence with us. Are we doing something wrong?
The Friday syndrome of lunch customers just changing tables at a whim not just once but twice. The questioning of the menu items, that can they have this without that and extra this and none of that saga is so normal it's not funny. The one bill per table system that is such a pain in the rear to put into place it hurts.

Back to the lady with the table change. The evening is well under way and there is a lot of noise in the dinning room, surprisingly it is coming from her table. We ask them to keep the noise down, once, twice and then a third time, not only were they loud but by this time they were rowdy and rude. At the end of the night one cheeky bastard decides to give his ten cents to the manager, I think it was rude of you to tell us to be quiet, he said. It is a restaurant isn't it. We won't be coming back. I heard the conversation and after a couple of Corona's would have normally said something but bit my tongue. The cheek of some people is just down right disgraceful. The poor old couple that were trying to settle there account caught the brunt of the abuse along with the manager and other guests that had suffered far to long.
What is the dinning world coming to I ask........

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Are You Really Sick?

The hospitality industry is one of those environments where it can be detrimental to other peoples health if you are sick and you work. Just the thought of someone sneezing into your plate of food, or not washing their hands after smoking or visiting the toilet, or even just touching their face is bad enough. We all must be very self conscious of our behaviour. Personal hygiene is of the upmost importance.

The thing is, where is the line between just calling in for a sicky and letting your team down, or not allowing the restaurant to take full advantage of what could be a busy night. But do you really care? I mean if you are (just) an employee, why should you care. I guess you don't have to, I mean we are one of the lowest paid professions out there hey. Funny that I have always had a thing for not taking a sick day even if I was sick, I guess that's just my nature, some may find it hard to believe and think how stupid of me but that's your opinion. I do it because I feel that I let my fellow team down and that I need to be there, just because.

The sad thing is that so many staff are just not like me and will take a sick day just like that, if the sun's out they will be sick, if the girls are going out they will be sick, if they drunk a bit too much they will be sick, mind you, the majority of staff are casual anyway and don't get sick day allocation, that means they won't get paid for it either, do they care, I don't think so. The cash must be rolling in for them some how. I reckon if I add all my sick days allocated to me over the past 20+ years, at 10 a year I would be able to take a very long paid break, sick of course!

Anyway the other day I had a slight tickle in the throat, I thought not much of it, sucked on a strepsil and kept up my usual 3 litre and more of water a day. I am generally quite a sick free person, touch wood, so I went to work and got on with my tasks. My body started to ache all over, I must have gone about 6 times for a pee, now that's not normal for me, so I knew something was up. By about 8pm I was pretty fucked. My fellow Chef said that I should go home, me being me was very resistant to that idea but eventually gave in and home I went.

Home to wifey who herself was a bit under the weather. I said that I think I might be coming down with something. My temperature reading 38.7 clarified the thoughts.
A double panadol and 'essig wickle' in German I guess you can translate them into vinegar socks, it is tea towels soaked in ice cold vinegar water and then wrapped around my feet, covered in plastic bags then wrapped up in thick towels. Then I was asleep.

After what I can recall as a good nights sleep, I woke with aching pain all over, the temperature had gone and my throat was already better, my voice however was very strange. I don't like to go to the doctor or dentist for that matter anyway, and this was again going to escape my wish list, as I had promised my fellow Chef that I would go and I do keep up my word. An appointment was made for the following day as they are so busy. I guess with everybody running to the Doctor for the most trivial of things I guess it's no wonder they are booked out. Not so good for the person who really needs to see them, ever thought about that people, I guess not.
The day progressed and I started to feel slowly better, less pain, better voice no temperature. I did spend all day lying down doing sweet FA, but that's what you do when your sick, you don't go shopping or visit friends or whatever you fakers do.

Today I saw my Doctor. The practice was like a train station, people everywhere coming, going, paying, the phone ringing, boy I thought my job was mad, the only difference being that they had staff everywhere!
I had the stick in my mouth ready to gag and all the other prods and pokes, lights in the ears and eyes, questions about this and that, after about five minutes I was out of there. $65 bucks lighter and a packet of tablets to swallow. No findings from the Doc though, he reckoned that what I had I had got rid of already, I thank the 'essig wickles' for that.
Considering how I felt the other night I am glad to be over it. A phone call to work to let them know that I would be in the next day if I stay the same.

Later that afternoon my Sous Chef in charge called and said that I could take the next day off to recover more, he has it all under control, that's great news and a little good Karma coming my way. Thank you.

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Wobbly Tables

What I really hate when I dine out is tables that wobble.

So often these days I sit down at the table and you guessed it, it wobbles.
More often than not the uneven floor is to blame, but most modern tables can be adjusted with a simple turn of one or more of it's feet.

As a fellow chef pointed out just the other evening as we sat at one of our own dining tables which had been vacated earlier by paying customers, that a previous employer of his would have made the biggest scene about the unsteady table. The staff would be on a knife edge if he was to dine at their table and find it to have a wobble.

So here we are late at night with the staff long gone trying to enjoy a meal that was prepared some time ago. To have to sit at this table was to us very disturbing.

You imagine paying top dollar to sit at a table that moves every time you lean on it!!

I imagine it to be like a total let down to make a reservation, arrive on time, be greeted with a beaming smile and a "good evening Mr Smith please follow me to your table" only to sit down and the first time you place your arm on the table it moves.

Now not only did the restaurant know you were coming, they had assigned you a table, which means somebody had to have arranged the cutlery and glassware put the candle on, fill the salt and pepper shakers and so on before you actually arrived. So why the fuck didn't they check the table for a wobble? That is the question.

I'll tell you why, because they don't care.

I was out the other day for coffee and yes my table had a wobble. This is one of the worse times to sit at a wobbly table because your coffee often ends up in the saucer, especially if its an average cup-pa, one with no body, just milky wash, better leave that for another post.

Anyway must go to work now and rev up the staff to check and fix those tables.

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Dirty Staff

How many of you like to come to work and see someone's arse crack? Very few I would imagine. That is one of my pet hates and unfortunately it is becoming more and more popular due to the current 'fashions'. This is ridiculous. Not only is it unhygienic, but it really isn't a pleasant thing to see. If i wanted to see somebodies arse every time I came to work I'd ask Shrek to trade places with me =) NOT COOL! I'm sorry but no matter how you spin it, having pants down around your ankles is not a good thing. Which brings me to another blog about uniforms.

Now the majority of chefs take pride in the uniform we wear. It may sound silly, but the clothes Chefs wear are universally known and recognised to many as professional and extraordinary. But what about waiters? What is symbolic to their dress code? Do waiters take the same pride in there appearances as Chefs? I doubt it.
Lets face it, as Hellraiser has previously stated in many of his posts, most waiters take on this roll to earn some extra cash or for something to do of an evening. It isn't a lifestyle or a career choice for them. Do they know why they wear aprons below the knee? Do they know the history of their standard uniform? Chefs do, so why don't they?

The answer is plain and simple. They just don't care. But honestly, even if you don't care about where your uniform originated, at least have some pride in your appearance and enough self respect to tuck in your shirt and pull you fucking pants up! Does you mother need to come to your house and dress you every morning?
The amount of people who turn up to work wearing dirty aprons and unironed shirts seems to be growing by the day. Aren't we supposed to be in a society now that is consumed by vanity? Well if so, why is it that no one takes 5 minutes to iron their shirt and find a clean apron?
People don't care how they look and how they present themselves anymore, they only care about getting paid. This mentality is simply unacceptable.
Who wants to go to a fine restaurant for dinner and be served by a grotty slob waiter. It's not good for business and it's not good for your personal reputation. No one is going to recommend the restaurant to a friend if they have been served by Sloppy Waiter Dumbass.
Have a bit of pride people and show some respect for your employment establishment and yourself!

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Garlic Bread

I can think of nothing more plain, boring and basic than garlic bread as an entree on the menu.

Yet this is so popular in restaurants it's just not funny. O.K. so there are different ways of serving or even preparing garlic bread, whether it be a cob loaf, a baguette, a ciabatta bread, basic sliced loaf, pizza bread, what ever it is it's still bloody garlic bread.

Before my arrival in the land down under I had never served garlic bread in any of the restaurants that I had worked, that has since changed as it is every where. Fortunately my place of work now does not have it on the menu, it was one item that I quickly removed. Although if asked we do prepare a pizza garlic bread or ciabatta toast.

What I can't understand is that some dinners prefer to order and pay $12 for bread when they could have a different entree for the same if not a bit more and get something that you can't buy on the shop shelves.

I do understand that the waiter does ask if you would like a bread while still deciding on what to order or while you wait, but often the case is that the bread was enough and go straight to main meals.

Another thing is that they often share one bread between 4 and that's about one slice each, hey didn't you just come out for dinner, not just a snack, then you get up and leave saying that your still hungry, go figure.

Oh well if you really want to eat garlic bread or what ever bread for that matter then go a head but don't whinge if you find the menu boring or to expensive, stop eating and paying for basic garlic bread and try something different, chances are you will be surprised at what you get and you might enjoy your night out a bit more and talk to you friends about something different than garlic bread for dinner!!

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The Restaurant Award Wage

How can it be that getting a pay rise is bad for you and puts your job on the line.

Well it seams once again that the good old hospitality industry is just about to get screwed over.

How? Here is the spiel.

So called hospitality Industry representatives have met to discuss the increase in wage and overtime rates for full-time employees and impose a 25 per cent penalty loading for casuals.
For the majority of the hospitality industry staff this is a much needed and richly deserved award rise.

New Award Raise to make things Worse

Apparently Sydney restaurateur Peter Doyle, who is the national president of Restaurant and Catering Australia said the recession has already resulted in a 10 per cent drop in bookings this year and a new award would make things worse. From the ABC news.
Once again a big bod thinking about his bottom line and not yours.
He said quote "I think if this new award does come in you will see some job losses, we're probably predicting in South Australia alone probably 2,000 job losses, probably 8,000 nationally,"

So Here's The Thing

We all get a pay increase and some will get to lose there job, now that's just great. I think that they are missing the point.
For a start it is one of the lowest paid industries out there, and we all deserve to get a raise regardless of the state of the economy. I bet every thing around you still goes up doesn't it. I bet those big nobs still cash in just fine, you can be sure they certainly don't take a pay cut.

Get Paid what we Deserve

The bottom line is pay the staff in the hospitality industry what they deserve, if you cant do that then pay them the award with the raise. You will still need to keep open to trade. So you will still need staff. Don't cut back on what the workers rightly deserve, but increase the cost of meals and beverage to cover for this. Some restaurants in other states already impose a 10% surcharge on weekends, once again a bit like a luxury tax.
Maybe you still want to charge top dollar, and also cut back on the quality of food and service.
Don't forget the old saying "with peanuts you only get monkeys!!"

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Be Aware Of The Greedy Landlord

Greedy Landlord

This morning I heard some disturbing news. A good friend of mine, a fellow chef, told me that he was having to close the doors to his restaurant. I was in shock at first and as he explained more my shock turned to disappointment and anger.

What the Fuck

Basically the landlord wants to hike up his rent! That's the bottom line. Apparently the landlord thinks that my fellow chef is making a killing and raking in thousands. Are you for real, you fuck wit landlord.
Maybe because you arrive at your snug little pad and see how busy the restaurant is on a Saturday night. Have you ever seen it dead on a week night, I thought not. If you had you would probably know a bit more about how things are in the restaurant trade.

Profit Loss

Just today on the radio ABC I heard that our local tourism members have warned of a huge down turn and profit loss in the tourism industry this year. So how do you, Mr fucking landlord justify a hike that will and has sent one of the best restaurants in our town, shire, central Queensland, over the edge!! Let alone put several members of staff out of work. You greedy bastard, hope you sleep well.

Doing it Tough

Now after doing it tough for the first couple of years he is, sorry was just staring to see the small rewards of his hard work. Not only that, the guy has put his heart and soul into this place, day in day out, when staff didn't show up, when customers whinged, when suppliers failed to deliver, when his own family needed him, he gave all to his restaurant, now you want to take that away and destroy him, you fucking wanker.

The Roll on Effect

Not only will his staff suffer, himself, and others in direct contact with the establishment, so will his loyal customers.
Can you imagine the weddings that have now got to rebook elsewhere.
People would go for breakfast, lunch, dinner, specials events and more. Not any more.

We Need To Stop This

I think something needs to be done to stop this from happening. The people of this town are crying out for good places to go, infrastructure to be put in place, business to start up, but why would you when this can happen to you at any time.
Why should we work all hours to make our business thrive just for some greedy landlord to hike up the rent to take more of your so called huge profit, which you deserve. Surely they can make there money elsewhere.

Excuse Me!!

Lets hope this landlord in question never manages to lease out this premises again. He doesn't deserve to and the unfortunate next occupier will be made aware of his greedy fucking unethical tight arse fuck wit landlord, please excuse the fluent verbal abuse but i am lived.

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Chefs Versus Waiters

I hate waitstaff. As far as I am concerned they are merely the carrier of my work to the intended recipient, and even then they still can't get it right! Waitstaff are the necessary evil I must put up with to fulfill my duties as a Chef, and I hate them just a little bit more than I hate the customers they serve, but I'll keep that for another blog!

I have worked my arse off to become a chef. I have travelled around the world, worked in many different countries and some of the best hotels and restaurants they have to offer. I have been cut and stitched, burned, bashed and broken, physically and mentally. I have had to learn two different languages, French and German. I have to understand mathematics, computers, menu composition, people management and, I still have to be a good cook. It seems to me that the only qualifications needed for a waiter these days is a heartbeat, and even then I find myself searching for that in them too.

They stroll into work at 5 or 6pm, on the dot, with no time to brief themselves of Chef's Specials, table plans, section allocations, and bang, curtain goes up! They are still pulling their pants up when the guests start to arrive, and the chaos begins. I find myself asking the Exec, "What the fuck's going on tonight, who's doing what?" "Fuck knows!" is his reply! :) It's a comedy show to us, and I really do find it amusing, I laugh out loud on a regular basis. It also amuses me to annoy these waiters, just to add to their mounting stress levels, then stand back and watch the show unfold. They're all out there now, panicing, stressing, taking orders for food and drinks. The kitchen suddenly goes from standstill to totally overwhelmed in 30 minutes. There's just not enough oven space, all gasses are full and there's simply not enough bodies in the kitchen to cope with all the orders coming at once. Then we cop the abuse, "How long for table 15?" "Table 3 are getting shitty." "The guy on 6 reckons he could cook better gratin himself!" FUCK OFF! We're working at top speed, as fast and as good as we can, give us a fucking break hey!

I've also been abused by waiters during service, which is like pulling the pin on a grenade, the shit's going to go flying! Years ago in Germany, I had a waiter try to stab me, until he was knocked out by the commis chef!

Why does this happen? Not one of these waiters has any skill in the profession, because that is what it is, a professional job, not a part time money making thing. If it's just for the extra cash, please, go somewhere else to earn it, supermarket checkouts always need staff.

When I was an apprentice, waiters were just like us. They were full time, working the same hours as the chefs, and often more. They had to learn the trade from the ground up, become qualified, and work their way through the ranks to get to the top. They had titles, Aboyeur, Maitre de Hotel, Commis debrasseur, Sommelier and Chef de Rang, to name just a few.

During service time it was a planned and carefully executed show that the guest was unaware of. These professionals had the ability to quote you the menu and take your order without looking at a menu or having a pen and order book, and they could personalise the service and make every table feel like they were the only one in the restaurant.

When they came to the kitchen to pick up food, they were carefully and quietly directed to stand in queue and wait for their table to come up. We were under no circumstances allowed to interact with the waiters, and that is how it was, quiet, organised and working well, with waiters taking their food to their table at the right time. I should mention that waiters were paid even less than chefs, they had to make up their earnings with tips, which could be very rewarding to a great waiter. No tips were shared in the kitchen then, and rightly so.

So what the fuck has happened? No kid is going to want to leave school and earn shit money for years doing shit jobs, just to maybe one day work in a world class restaurant as a chef or a waiter. It's a dying industry I find myself in, and I'm trying to maintain the standards that took so long to learn. So why should I have to put up with waitress cryalot or waiter dumb ass, who does 2 0r 3 hours a night, who wrecks my food when they yank it off the pass, who takes the wrong food to the wrong table or mixes up the well done and medium rare steak, who cant write a legible order, or who won't answer me when I speak? These fucking idiots are spoiling the night for the guest and they are ruining everything I've worked for and making me look incompetent as a chef. They reason the guest has been waiting an hour for their mains is because waiter dumb ass took their food to the wrong table 30 minutes ago and hasn't realised it yet.

Fucking waiters! Seriously, the only reason I put up with them is because it keeps me away from the customer!

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Chef's Kitchen Mayhem on Saturday

You have to see the whole picture to appreciate what really goes on, so lets just try to put you into the action scene. imagine an above average restaurant, a venue that you would book in advance for your night out.

Decent table and chairs, white linen cloths and napkins. Polished glasses and cutlery. Elegantly printed menus.
Dim lighting and background music, are you there yet?
Now throw in some loud chef screaming “what the fuck are you idiots doing,” the crash of his fist on the pass echo's through the dinning room, his face full with anger, a look that would make the average Joe flinch and run away.


Welcome to Saturday night mayhem. This is and should not be taken as the norm for each and every Saturday, nor should it be limited to just Saturday. But listen and learn as you need to see the whole picture to understand.

The Mayhem Starts

During the day restaurant bookings are coming in. The number of dinners grow, but this is Saturday and in the hospitality industry weekends are full on. We as chefs understand this and prepare our produce accordingly.

The clock ticks over and we rush around all day living on air, coffee, coke, air, chocolate, v drinks oh and more air doing whatever is needed to ensure that all is ready for this nights performance. Did I forget to mention that we go out, or home for lunch, Not. We don't, we are too busy serving lunch and prepping up to sit down for lunch or even morning smoko, things that are a given in other professions.

Well the show must go on. The doors open at 5pm and the curtain goes up at 6 or 6.30 or 7 or 8 at what ever time you book. Now again, imagine this, if you are going to see to your favorite artist, pop group or show, would you be arriving late? No f...ing way, so why the fuck do you turn up late, or worse don't even show up for your booking at the restaurant, oh I forgot, you didn't have to buy a ticket did you. That will come in the form of a reservation fee to most places eventually, maybe sooner than you think. With the loss of business in these bad times it could easily send a small restaurant broke, but i will leave that for another day. Back to my show.

Show some Balls

Late in the afternoon we get a call from a staff member with some half ass excuse why they can't work tonight. Now that really pisses me off. Not just because they are letting the team down, not because they are putting extra pressure on the rest of the staff, not because we make the rosta to cope with our business, No, but because us chefs bust our balls to ensure that we can put on our show each and every night no matter what.

We don't just call in because we got a headache, or a bad back or because mummy wants us to go out for nans birthday dinner, you bunch of wusses. For us this is as important as it gets. Do you think we put our heart and soul into our daily grind so that you fuckers can just piss us off. If so you better get out now.

O.k. now you know that the restaurant is full and wuss has called in with whatever, lets just add into the mix a wedding for 90 guests in the function room, ha ha it just got that bit better eh.
But wait there's more.

Curtains Up

By now the adrenalin is flowing and most of the staff have arrived on time I add woo ho. Steady, I didn't say early. Specials are learned, last minute details of the evening are put in place and the curtains go up!



The phone rings, again....again....again....again....sorry sir we are full. Sorry mam we are full, yes at 7, yes and 8 mam. I have often wondered if people just think that they can have a table at a busy restaurant any time they like at the drop of a hat.

Oh they think they can, silly me.

Now lets get this clear so you don't think I am being ridicules, I do understand that sometimes you get home and feel like going out for dinner, and that you just want to turn up, that maybe fine on a week night, even then you could end up disappointed, but not for better restaurants and definitely not on Saturday's.

Mayhem Intermission

Author's note,
Holy cow I have just read my post so far and my blood is pumping full on, I need a chamomile tea to calm down.
Please pause if you feel the need....................................................

The first dinners arrive and we begin to entertain, so well it's eerie The clock ticks over and steadily the wedding guests take there seats. We set the buffet with all our efforts of the day, what a sight, full bowls of salads, hot and cold selections, fish, meats, we have something for everyone. Follow this with desserts and wedding cake tea and coffee. Throw into the mix some alcohol and you have a great wedding night.

Back to behind the scene and into the kitchen, the wedding guests are eating well and fast, we send out refill after refill. With years of experience we know how much food to produce for each size of wedding. Tonight would be no different. But with such big eaters and plates bursting at the edges we are being tested to the limit. Food is being organized from every corner.

Extract from the Chef's Kitchen Service

“Order in chef,” comes the voice from a waiter, “check on chef” from another. “On order” I announce with a voice of authority, “one dozen killers, two pillow, one smoked duck, main course 2 ribs 1 medium 1 rare, one with prawns 1 fish 1 salmon.............. New order, 1 carpaccio, 1 balls, main course 2 duck.............. On order, ½ dozen mornay, 2 prawns, main course 1 rib well done, 1 peppered rib medium, 1 chicken, 1 marinara................” “Order in chef. order in chef.”

“On order” I call again, “ciabatta and pizza entree followed by 2 fish mains, are you ready for more? Yes is the reply.......... “On order, no en tree straight out, 2 rib well done.” “Hey waiter did you tell them it will 30 minutes?” “Yes chef” I get back. We need more fish chef sounds out from the wedding buffet chef. We run around for the fish. “Order in chef, order in chef” the waiter cry.

By this time the later bookings have arrived early and we are still waiting for some early ones. Do you get the picture now.

The orders are flowing thick and fast when suddenly buffet chef shouts “there all through chef,” a huge sigh rains out, but no time to rejoice as the dessert buffet has yet to be served and it's only 7.30.

More orders are called and the bell is rang to call for service, they are now running from table to table. Table two and away they walk with plates of food, but not just ordinary food, food that we have been preparing all day, food that has been cooked with care and attention to detail, not frozen bang it out crap but good fresh quality produce turned into sex on a plate it's that good.

Restaurant Waiter please

Clumsy waiter pulls the plate from the pass and spills the perfectly balanced salad. Stop shouts my chef, stop again rings out, Hey you bring that back I call, don't ever take food from the pass like a bull and proceed to the table with a fucked up plate, do you understand I say, whilst rearranging the picture.
They just don't care I let out to my chef. Now the adrenalin is pumping this is what it's all about busy but in control. for now anyway.

As more and more orders come on the restaurant staff just don't have the experience to deal with the customers all at once, the need to slow and stagger them has all but gone out the door and we have no chance to enjoy our own performance.

Chef needs to scream and bang his fist to get some attention, but by the time they get organized out there we are swamped, it just seems like they want to get all the orders then serve all the drinks, then take all the food and so on.

Hey guys it's not supposed to be like that.... duh.

Breads to the wrong table, desserts not taken quick enough, I could go on and on.

Finally a waiter steps up with balls and faces the chef. Things start to settle and we find some sort of rhythm not the best but the best in the situation we are in. Then my chef shouts the ovens shit it self. The rational oven that we recently had a few dramas with and we thought were all solved, suddenly stopped working. Lucky the wedding hot food service was finished and we had the other 2 ovens to continue with, but as all fine tuned systems run it really puts the whole routine out of whack.

Bloody Apprentice

Suddenly a scream fills the noisy kitchen.............the apprentice has cut herself, she is holding her hand like precious gold, and so it is, they are our tools of the trade and without them we are nothing.

She walks with haste over to me, dripping blood along the floor. The sound of breaking glass and china ring out. I run water over the cut, oh yeah it's a cut alright. I shout out to my buffet chef, take her out back and keep her hand up high with pressure on. The young girl is walking with a wobble now, blood filling the cloth around her hand.

Now you have all probably scene a movie where in the midst of a mass disaster some one shouts is there a doctor on board.

Doctor Doctor

Well It just so happens that I know a few Doctors in town, and tonight this one particular doctor was in for dinner with his fiancee.
They happened to be sat in the middle of the restaurant. I had greeted them on the way in, as I try to do with the majority of people I know.

I shout out his name across the room, he looks over and I wave him to come. I guess that beats a waiting room any day. I escort him out the back to our patient to which he then attends.

Back to my domain I return where I ask for his partner to come to the kitchen. As she approaches I explain quickly what has happened and she then also assists. Our apprentice was in the best hands you could get, her own personal doctor and nurse.

The service has to go on and the other chefs now grew extra 'go gadget arms' as we so often do to fill in.
Suddenly the sound of broken glass fills the kitchen again, “what the fucks going on” I shout as the Saturday night special chef smashes a couple more. All is quiet as we look at him, work continues as we all understand the pressure and presence of mind that is required to finish our duties as true professionals.

The service comes to an end and the last few desserts are sent. We gather together and throw some comments at each other, trying to come down from a high octane night of pressure, frustration, excitement, drama and tragedy.
This is the end of our busy week and this was just one Saturday. How was yours?..............

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Hospitality Pay Rates

A couple of days ago I saw an advert for a Head Chef position in Central Queensland, for a newly created establishment. The salary offered was 60 - 65k AUD per year. Not a bad deal I hear you say! Bollocks says I! This particular place has been in the pipeline for some time, touted as the next big thing, and I can only imagine how many millions of dollars have been spent on it, and they want to spend that small amount for a Top Chef?

Any Chef in a Head or Executive position is expected to work a minimum of 60+ hours per week, with some working up to 90 - 100. They are required to be on call 7 days, to cover staff shortages, work all public holidays to save wage costs, split shifts, late shifts, weekends. And this is just the "hands on" cooking job, the administration has to be done in the Chef's own free time. You might think this would result in a huge pay packet with all that overtime, but guess what? No overtime paid! Is this just the Chef industry? I really don't know, but I have friends in other trades, such as electricians, plumbers, builders etc. who work just as hard but get paid for their efforts.

Obviously, when you become a Chef, you know you're going to have to work unsociable hours, nights, weekends and holidays, but as an apprentice you're paid for every hour. With time you have more experience, take better positions, and one day become a Head Chef. If you can't accept these hours, then get out and do something else, it's only the good ones who get this far. But by this time, you're getting paid for a 38 hour week, and getting shafted! Like I have said before, I love my job, I'd rather be happy at work than do some mind numbingly boring shit for lots of cash. So I keep doing it :)

There is not a lot of money to be made in the restaurant game, and part of the reason is because the customer will not spend the money for the privilege of dining out. Jamie Oliver and the like, have told the public it's easy, and you can buy any ingredient you want from the supermarket now! So why would you want to spend $40 on a main course? If you understood what we go through to get those meals to you, perhaps you would appreciate it more.

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