Chefs Versus Waiters

I hate waitstaff. As far as I am concerned they are merely the carrier of my work to the intended recipient, and even then they still can't get it right! Waitstaff are the necessary evil I must put up with to fulfill my duties as a Chef, and I hate them just a little bit more than I hate the customers they serve, but I'll keep that for another blog!

I have worked my arse off to become a chef. I have travelled around the world, worked in many different countries and some of the best hotels and restaurants they have to offer. I have been cut and stitched, burned, bashed and broken, physically and mentally. I have had to learn two different languages, French and German. I have to understand mathematics, computers, menu composition, people management and, I still have to be a good cook. It seems to me that the only qualifications needed for a waiter these days is a heartbeat, and even then I find myself searching for that in them too.

They stroll into work at 5 or 6pm, on the dot, with no time to brief themselves of Chef's Specials, table plans, section allocations, and bang, curtain goes up! They are still pulling their pants up when the guests start to arrive, and the chaos begins. I find myself asking the Exec, "What the fuck's going on tonight, who's doing what?" "Fuck knows!" is his reply! :) It's a comedy show to us, and I really do find it amusing, I laugh out loud on a regular basis. It also amuses me to annoy these waiters, just to add to their mounting stress levels, then stand back and watch the show unfold. They're all out there now, panicing, stressing, taking orders for food and drinks. The kitchen suddenly goes from standstill to totally overwhelmed in 30 minutes. There's just not enough oven space, all gasses are full and there's simply not enough bodies in the kitchen to cope with all the orders coming at once. Then we cop the abuse, "How long for table 15?" "Table 3 are getting shitty." "The guy on 6 reckons he could cook better gratin himself!" FUCK OFF! We're working at top speed, as fast and as good as we can, give us a fucking break hey!

I've also been abused by waiters during service, which is like pulling the pin on a grenade, the shit's going to go flying! Years ago in Germany, I had a waiter try to stab me, until he was knocked out by the commis chef!

Why does this happen? Not one of these waiters has any skill in the profession, because that is what it is, a professional job, not a part time money making thing. If it's just for the extra cash, please, go somewhere else to earn it, supermarket checkouts always need staff.

When I was an apprentice, waiters were just like us. They were full time, working the same hours as the chefs, and often more. They had to learn the trade from the ground up, become qualified, and work their way through the ranks to get to the top. They had titles, Aboyeur, Maitre de Hotel, Commis debrasseur, Sommelier and Chef de Rang, to name just a few.

During service time it was a planned and carefully executed show that the guest was unaware of. These professionals had the ability to quote you the menu and take your order without looking at a menu or having a pen and order book, and they could personalise the service and make every table feel like they were the only one in the restaurant.

When they came to the kitchen to pick up food, they were carefully and quietly directed to stand in queue and wait for their table to come up. We were under no circumstances allowed to interact with the waiters, and that is how it was, quiet, organised and working well, with waiters taking their food to their table at the right time. I should mention that waiters were paid even less than chefs, they had to make up their earnings with tips, which could be very rewarding to a great waiter. No tips were shared in the kitchen then, and rightly so.

So what the fuck has happened? No kid is going to want to leave school and earn shit money for years doing shit jobs, just to maybe one day work in a world class restaurant as a chef or a waiter. It's a dying industry I find myself in, and I'm trying to maintain the standards that took so long to learn. So why should I have to put up with waitress cryalot or waiter dumb ass, who does 2 0r 3 hours a night, who wrecks my food when they yank it off the pass, who takes the wrong food to the wrong table or mixes up the well done and medium rare steak, who cant write a legible order, or who won't answer me when I speak? These fucking idiots are spoiling the night for the guest and they are ruining everything I've worked for and making me look incompetent as a chef. They reason the guest has been waiting an hour for their mains is because waiter dumb ass took their food to the wrong table 30 minutes ago and hasn't realised it yet.

Fucking waiters! Seriously, the only reason I put up with them is because it keeps me away from the customer!