Is it HOT? Yes Chef, Are You Sure......

Ok here comes the hammer, brace yourself for this one.

Last night was wedding night again, this one was a small occasion less than half what our capacity can cope with. A nice buffet for the bride, groom and all there guests.

This time of year is generally quiet, and every business will agree that it is one of the toughest periods to get through.
Like many restaurants in our area we have been running on low numbers, saying that we can still expect to do a near full house on Saturday night.

The prep has been slow and I know that it is a time to be well on top of your game or you'll get caught out. With my experience and common sense approach to most things I manage to keep the kitchen in good order, but tonight was just the hammer.
The day was spent preparing like normal. Checking the produce and replenishing where needed. We have a prep list that is ongoing, that is we plan ahead, you write on what is needed maybe Friday or Tuesday according to business. This is major point in the process of having all products and dishes available for the service.

Today was a bit slack as we had little to do, saying that, I always find something, the hardest part is teaching the other chefs to see what I see. Anyway all is ready with plenty of time to 'take it easy' or bludge as the Aussie loves to call it.

When it comes to weddings I am hyper that I have enough and that everything is ready. Believe me there is nothing worse than forgetting something or worse still running out. Touch wood I have a good record and I do not wish to change. Tonight was a nightmare though.

The buffet is full and ready to go. I know that all is top quality as I can do it in my sleep, but what happened next I was not prepared for.

As always I make my presence at the buffet for the top table and the closest relations of the bride and groom. I wish them the pleasantries and make small talk with a few. I explain the buffet in general and then return to the kitchen.

As always I have my team that should be concentrating on the restaurant and back up for the wedding buffet.
I call in to the kitchen from the function room, 'make sure that the next fish, beef and lamb are on the way.'
Back out to great a few more people. Through the door I call for the fish first. A minute later I call for the lamb then the beef.

Out at the buffet, the bridal party have gone trough and we are on to the closest relatives. The chef brings out the fish. We exchange the tray. Then he brings out the lamb, I take one look and question the temperature, is it hot I ask, yes is the reply. I question it as it looked very pink and normally it has a more roast look to it. I ask again are you sure, yes is the comeback, we just need to pour over some more red wine jus.

At this point I return to the kitchen with the empty tray, only to see the apprentice with the tray of beef in his had ready to head for the buffet. I question him is it hot, yes is the reply, are you sure, he put his hand on it and replies yes it is hot, and inside I ask, the reply is, it's warm, WARM I shout. Is it HOT I ask again, yes its warm is the reply.

Now by this time I'm raging and I have a dummy spit WARM IS NOT FUCKING HOT, I put my hand into the centre of the tray of meat, it's FUCKING COLD, I slap a slice onto his inside for arm as he holds the 'hot' tray, there is no reaction because it's fucking cold. Get it in the oven.

Now in those few short seconds my chef that has just replenished the lamb, returns in with the full tray of meat. I bet that's cold too I shout, bring it here. Once again a slice meat is given to my apprentice again cold. What the fuck are you guys trying to do, give someone food poisoning. Why say it's hot when it's fucking not. Don't you test it?

Now I have two chefs that are feeling sorry for them selves, but that doesn't help me. I grab the trays and get the food hot ASAP, I step out to the buffet and apologise for the wait, back in the kitchen I let it rip. The apprentice doesn't know where to turn, my chef knuckles down to the incoming orders from the restaurant, even though we are not busy yet, what a blessing that was. I replenish the HOT food on the buffet and return to the service.

The first order for a soft shell crab comes on and the two chefs are searching for some Japanese bread crumbs to for the dish. 'Oh they should be there' looking in my fridge, that's the prep that I know is there what the fuck have you been doing or not checking.
I leave my post and get a bag of panko breadcrumbs and let it fly at the apprentice.

With the blood pumping through my veins I turn into the incredible hulk, just like him I don't like it but when it comes, you can't fight against it. The big boy apprentice now feels the wrath of the chef, not a pretty site having some one within centimetres from your face giving you shit. In that situation sometimes you find it hard to calm the fuck down. (Image of the hulk courtesy of eneas from Flicker.)

The orders roll in and I announce the dishes, we step up the pace and all I get is a whisper of 'yes chef'. The food leaves the kitchen and the customers are happy. Orders flow and we get a little bogged down, the young apprentice pulls his finger out and storms through the orders, a little behind but still comes up with the goods, I can take that as a good sign of hope, not to give up on him just yet. But for the love of 'whatever' why humans make such stupid mistake I don't know, maybe because we are only human after all.

End Note;
A great chef and I mean a GREAT chef, not a one hit wonder, once told me, after I overcooked all the eye fillet Mignon for the prestige function, that it's not you that they come for, it's me, my name, my food, my restaurant, I'm on show in front of my guests. You embarrass me and let me down when you make mistakes like that. From that day on I was always on my game. Many thanks to A.M a true chef.

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Taste,Taste,Taste and Taste Again

In this post I want to emphasise the importance of tasting your food!!

It might sound strange to have me say that but you wont believe how often I have to say it. Maybe I like the sound of my own voice, yeah right, you better F.R.O now before I kick your arse too. Why do chefs forget to season or worse forget to taste. Is it down to lack of concentration, to repetitive cooking of the same dish, don't give a toss attitude, it'll be alright chef, or what is it.


I put it down to a couple of reasons. First the chef has to enjoy what they do. By this I mean they have to like to cook!! and not just the odd fish dish or cake now and then, a full-time profession, day in day out. Also the chefs need to be made aware of the importance of taste, you grow to learn taste and flavours, we were not born with the taste of oysters in the mouth or the distinct flavour of ginger. So we have to learn them. How can we learn if we don't taste.

Just the other day I was able to take the night off, well I did just work from 8am to 5pm so I thought I would come in for dinner. We had started a new menu a couple of weeks back and I thought it would be a good idea to see and read and taste it from the other side, the dark side.

All dressed up and smelling nice, wifey and I head out for dinner. We were sat at a table next to friends of mine who just happened to be dinning out. They commented on the menu and food throughout the evening. It was just for that reason that the following took place.


Main meals were being consumed, or should I say not consumed!!!

The waitress asked if all was fine with the meals, and the response was great apart from one dish.

Now just imagine this. The chef of the restaurant is sat in his dinning room eating from his menu having his chefs prepare and cook those dishes. All sounds great, something to be proud of. Well somebody forgot to tell those fucking chefs in the kitchen to have their wits about them and buck the fuck up or you will get your arse roasted.

Back at the table the young lady replies 'I think its a bit salty'.
All shy and embarrassed to say anything, not just because she felt it salty or because I was sat at the next table, but generally she would not be one to complain.

I overheard the conversation, as I do, I try not to miss a thing. I turn and enquire, salty she said, can I try, and so I was given the bowl of pasta.
Holy cow, it was not salty it was bloody salty. You could stand your fork up in the salt. Only after one spoon-full I could feel the inside of my mouth on fire with salt, a real aggressive attack.

It was at this point that I was beginning to rage and with the manager who had just joined us for a drink present that didn't improve the situation.

The waitress took the pasta back to the kitchen, and within seconds the evidence was in the bin. This was not known to me at the time. I proceed to the kitchen, to find a little clarity on this awful situation. Only to see the lost looks on the kitchen team faces.

Did you taste the pasta I shout, where is the plate? In the bin chef. What the fuck. So you didn't try it? Where is the pan, that's got nothing left in it.
Now I find the smallest pot in the kitchen with some pasta left in it. I immediately know what's happened. I taste the water. I am not kidding you when I say that you could float anything on it. You could kill somebody with that saltiness.

The worse thing is not that the water was salty, it is that the food was not tasted at any time during the production of this pasta dish. How fucking stupid is that, nevertheless I did get back to my table and enjoy the rest of my one opportunity out.

I can understand that things get missed now and then, after all we are not cooking for Michelin stars or any accolades, we are just trying to produce good food using the best produce that we can get, for normal people in a small town.
But not to TASTE, TASTE, TASTE, is not fucking acceptable......

P.S I don't expect it to happen again in the near future........

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Whose Customers?

We recently had a new restaurant supervisor start and right from the beginning you could see it wasn't going to work out. Fucking rough slapper, no nice way to put it.

I've heard it all before, we did this at this place and that at that place. I don't fucking care! What can you do here, show me what you got. First weekend she got caught eating food of plates cleared from tables. Next weekend, caught drinking the dregs from returned wine bottles. Next weekend, inappropriately dressed with her tits hanging out all over the place. Just a few days ago, she didn't have a buffet set on time, we had to do it for her and as a result the food was 30 minutes late. Today, a small wedding party in the restaurant, and again, nothing set. Not to mention the fact that the party was over an hour late and nobody had made any attempt to contact the group and enquire as to their whereabouts! Hello! Is it just me or is anyone else seeing a pattern here?

I don't care how many excuses you throw at me. If you're going to talk the talk, then be damn sure you know how to walk the walk. Tonight, you could have cut the tension with a knife. I knew the kitchen was going to get hit hard, and I knew she was itching for a chance to take a pop at me. Well of course I didn't disappoint and yes, a 'fucking' did come out of my mouth. I was actually more upset with the kitchen, but then it came..... "Don't swear at me, my customers will hear you" she said. This waste of space speaks, at the best of times, like a fishmongers wife! My reply? "Dry your eyes, shut up and leave me alone!"

Hang on! Whose customers? Oops, I forgot, they all came to our restaurant for you....idiot!

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Fuck You and Your Gorilla

Fuck you and your gorilla!

A couple of weekends ago, I thought I was gone. That's it I thought, I'll be getting my marching orders in the morning. Thanks for coming, now fuck off and don't let the door slam you on the arse on the way out!

It's Saturday night. We're fully booked, 'with a la carte' on the new menu, we've got a group of 26 coming in on the old menu AND, we have the owner and his group of top brass in. Oh, did I mention they are all booked in between 7 and 7.30!

Anyway, things are now under way. Front of house have managed things fantastically and service is going so bloody sweet, it was amazing. The kitchen guys have held it together and coped superbly with having to prep two menus. The 26 has gone out, the 'a la carte' bookings on the new menu have all been dealt with and we're just sending mains to the owner. Then fucking KABOOM! An important table of big spenders has started to send food back. The complaints were that it took almost two hours to get their mains, then the steaks were undercooked and cold, and other meals were cold also. I was thinking, how could it all go so bad for one table, this is impossible!

Next thing the GM turns up, and the restaurant manager is scurrying round the back for a chat. Then the assistant GM turns up, THEN, the Executive Chef.

Now, during the afternoon, I'd noticed some very drunk arseholes in the pool, which is right in front of the kitchen window, one dressed as a cowboy and one as a gorilla. Bit strange, but hey, it's nearly Christmas.

Well it turns out that these were the same group of men who were now doing the complaining. The guy who had previously been wearing the gorilla suit had been refused alcohol from the moment he sat down. Then one of his mates asked the waitress for a bucket, in case he spewed! I'm talking about a fine dining restaurant here, not some sleasy shithouse. I ended up getting a call from the Assistant GM about 45 minutes later, thanking me for a job well done and not to worry about the table. They were all wasted and really didn't know what was going on.

Another peaceful, low stress day in the world of professional kitchens :)

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New Menu Dilemma

What do you do when a new menu is well overdue, and the business is going through a transition period with many areas being affected, yet all with uncertain outcomes. My dilemma is this. I require a new menu, not just because I want to create some new dishes but also for the enthusiasm and motivation for my fellow workers.

The customers also deserve to have some change as well, but saying that, there are some items that I would be shot for if they were to disappear from the menu. Headlines in the paper would read 'Suicide chef removes Bugs from menu'. We have about six dishes that are long standing, and they do sell very well, it would be easy to remove them if they were slow movers.

The menu is definitely one of the largest on offer in this area, saying that, the one presently running is a bit of a mess, small and average to our the standards that we have set.
With the addition of a couple more 'qualified' chefs we should be able to really push the limits again. Throw into the mix that this is the busiest time of year with lots of weddings to cater for every weekend.

I want to coincided the menu with the refurbish of the dinning room, and probably the opening 7 days, currently we trade only five. Again that will become a nightmare. This will affect the menu drastically, staff rostas will become a challenge. In my many years in the industry I can say that the best atmosphere and stable establishments are closed for at least one day, better two.

I do understand that the loss of trade is sometimes hard to take but the quality of staff and the rest of an establishment is also very important. For some places it is easy to close due to public demand for example a restaurant in the business district doesn't need to open on Sunday.
We however are loosing lots of trade to other establishments on the two days we have had to close due to the lack of staff and staying ability.

So I will be very relieved to get this period behind us and continue on with what we do best and that's cook.

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Customers with Dogs

How very strange. Customers expecting to get a table with their dog!!

I find this a little bizarre. What do you think. Before you bite my head off, I am an animal loving person and do like dogs, but to have them in a restaurant or even on the deck, that's a bit strange and in my opinion not going to happen. It's a restaurant for f..k sake not a kennel, or pound.

Some customers just don't see my side of this and can't quite understand that we don't allow dogs to dine with us...LOL.
Short and sweet post this one but dogs cant read anyway can they.............
Picture courtesy of tallkev/4103068362/ at flicker.

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