Chef's Kitchen Rant

Head Count Please!

2011-10-29T00:42:00.001+10:00

A simple fucking head count. How hard can it be? When all the guests have sat down for the function, do a head count, then inform the kitchen just how many meals we are supposed to be serving. Is it that difficult a concept to grasp or am I missing something here?

Tonight we had a 3 course plated function for one hundred people, well actually, I'm still not really sure how many people we served! This particular even started out on our event sheets as 100, this was the sheet given to the kitchen last week. I've done the ordering and everything is in or in its way. Then, 1 day before, in the morning, it's gone to 140. I was asked if this was a problem and I said to give me half an hour and I'll see if I can get extra sent in. As it turned out it was relatively easy, so I went back and said it wouldn't be a problem. On the same day, one hour later, I'm told it's gone to 104 plus 7 kids. The next day (function day) I'm told again that it's now gone to 111, fuck me, how many changes? I'm forgetting now actually how many times it did change. THEN, one hour before, "Chef, we have a big problem, it's now 122" Oh double fuck!

Now we are in a spin, trying to up the levels to cope with the extras. We always cook extras, for emergencies, but never that many extras. Any way, job done, we've caught up and ready to go. I actually ran low on the soup for entree, which is my fuck up, but I spun out what was remaining, and made it to the end. The soup was tasting just fine, a little creamier than before, but still good. Then the main course. Here again, we always have extra plates warming up in the box, so this time, I had 130 stacked in the hot box. We plated up every plate, just to be on the safe side, but they stopped serving when the had everything they needed when we still had over 20 plates left. What the fuck? We're all confused a little now as to what is going on. We also served 7 kids meals, and then another, so 8 in total, so we now also have an extra kid in the room!

Just before desserts I asked exactly how many people do we have and was told 110, including 8 kids and 1 diabetic who is have a fruit plate. This arithmetic says to me that we have 101 desserts to plate. I plated 104, again, just to play it safe, and use all my chocolate mousse doing so. Obviously the mousse had to be made in advance, and thinking I only have 100 to plate, I've decided to give a bigger serving of mousse so I didn't have any left. At the end of dessert service I am now told they need 3 more. Not gonna fucking happen! How many people do we have, has anyone actually done a head count yet? Nobody had an answer, except umm well umm, not sure. So at this point I've lost the fucking plot, gone rampant! For me in the kitchen, it's unacceptable to run out of anything, and I've been embarrassed through no fault of my own. Then I'm told I should have plated 122 desserts anyway, as that is what they are paying for. Get fucked! Learn to fucking do your job and fucking count before we begin. Our function coordinator didn't know how many guests we had, didn't know we had kids meals available and didn't know we had a diabetic. I'm not going to short sell our guests so that our banquet staff can have a 3 course fucking staff meal.

At the end of the day it's really fucking simple. Tell me how many meals you want and I will fucking serve them. This is not a guessing game.

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Revenge is a Dish Best Served Cold

2011-10-07T22:24:00.000+10:00

You dirty fucking low life fucks. Fucking fuck you and fuck you again. I've fucking had it with so called 'Executive' fucking management and their fucking condescending, patronising attitudes. Arghhh.... I'm fucking raging off the dial tonight, can you tell?

Here's how it was. Department manager, lets call him Mr GH, calls the office and asks for my department manager, we'll call him Mr EC. Sorry Mr EC isn't in the office right now, can I take a message? Yes say Mr GH, can you get him to call me? Of course, I will inform him when I see him and leave a message on his message pad. Mr EC gets message and calls Mr GH, who is himself now unavailable and leaves a message.

Phone rings again in office, it's Mr GH looking for Mr EC. Sorry says I, he's just stepped out again, is there anything I can help you with? Keep in mind here that this initial conversation is a daily occurrence from many other people to the office of which I am currently answering the phone. So the question he wanted to ask my executive manager was a very simple one which I could organise for him myself, and I did so! Half an hour later, GH calls EC's office again..... Is EC there? NO HE'S FUCKING NOT, why the fuck do you think I'm answering his fucking phone you fucking fucktard! Actually, that's not what I said, but I should have. Bla bla bla etc etc can I help you? Yes maybe, can you organise two mobile gas stoves and gas bottles for them and deliver them to me? Yes, I can do that, when, this afternoon, yep I'll get right on it.

So I round up two vehicles for transport and someone to help me and go in search of said equipment. Half an hour later I have two mobile stoves and two bottles, but one of them is empty. I deliver them to the venue, inform GH of the situation, tell him I'll organise a refill and it will be ready for him to pick up in the morning. He said ok, no thank you, cheers or sweet fuck all, you fucking prick, fuck you.I then return to my duties, and I've now wasted an hour of my day doing this.

Phone rings again, this time Mrs Exec CS manager, bla bla bla etc etc, can I help you? Yes says Mrs CC, GH said you only brought one bottle, where's the other? I've explained that to him and he said ok. Right says CS, and have the stoves been checked? Not that I'm aware of but they should be working and why don't you just use the same bottle on both stoves to test them? Ohhhh, I don't know anything about stoves? What the fuck?

I'm back doing my own work and now the Executive General Manager comes in and says I only took the one bottle and I won't go to check them? Wait, has anyone actually asked me to do this? So far I've gone out of my way to do what I considered a favour, twice, and now I'm being attacked for it. So I try to state my case and GM shuts me down, I'm not interested he says, I just want it done. Fair call, I would have done the same thing. I said that I'm happy to help, I understand the situation and all people have to do is ask, also that which had been passed on to him was like Chinese fucking whispers.

So, I've now wasted two hours of my day, fucking around with gas, which I'm not qualified to do, carrying equipment in over laden, unsuitable vehicles and putting up with arrogant self centred megalomaniacal Executive managers who think because they have executive in their title automatically makes them more intelligent than me. Do not talk to me like I am an idiot. Talk to me the way you would like to be spoken back to.

I am a skilled professional, I am not your fucking little bitch and just because I have a cooks jacket on does not make me a retard. My uniform is worn with pride, but it does not limit my mental capacity, unlike GH and CS's badges with executive before their name.

I will have the last laugh here, trust me, I've got a fucking long memory for this kind of shit.

I still stand by, however, on a simple statement my Mother made when I was a young kid,

"Courtesy costs nothing."

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To Blog Or Not To Blog?

2011-10-07T22:19:00.000+10:00

That is the question. Does anyone still visit us? Would you like to see some more rants from the team at Chef's kitchen Rant? Let us know, I feel the urge to purge haha.......Share

Social Networking Madness

2010-05-30T18:33:00.002+10:00

We've just gone over the 1000 friend mark on Facebook. Thank you soooo much fellow ranters! Share

Chef Tourette's Syndrome

2010-04-28T00:31:00.001+10:00

I have recently discovered another Chef ailment. Chef Tourette's Syndrome, or as I shall now refer to it, CTS. Not to be confused with RSRS, (Rock Star Retard Syndrome). This is a serious affliction, resulting in uncontrollable bouts of intense swearing, reddening of the face, swelling of the eyes and possibly, in severe cases, kicking or throwing of objects and/or people.

I witnessed first hand a 30 year CTS sufferer's outburst on Saturday night and we're lucky we got out alive! It was the first time in many years that I myself had to keep out of the firing line, just in case :) It was only when something went flying behind me did I dare to look up from my chopping board.

I'll spare you all the gory details, but basically another kitchen fuck up, by simply not having prepped early enough, oh, and the burning to a crisp of $350 worth of fish! The sad thing is that the people responsible had absolutely nothing to say for it. I've learnt over the years that it's easier just to own up and be done with it. We all make mistakes, but I'll be fucked if I would ever give anyone the opportunity to catch me making the same mistake twice.

CTS seems to be harder to control, perhaps with the endless amounts of idiots we have to work with now contributes to the condition, and with the strict working laws we have now, all swearing is forbidden. It's a tough gig!! :)

So, for those on the receiving end of CTS, just listen to what you're told, and don't make the same mistake twice.

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Chefs, Publicity and how to Deal With It

2010-03-08T11:50:00.001+10:00

So you're a wanna be Super Star Chef? You want to be known, you want to be in the paper, the radio or the TV? Can you handle it? I doubt it! And tell me, what the fuck have you done to deserve it?

Of course we all would like our "15 minutes of fame", it's a small pay off for many, many years of hard toil for next to no reward. For me, fame is an occupational hazard, it comes with the territory and it is the antithesis of why I do what I do. If I could rise to the top of my trade without my name ever being mentioned or having my ugly mug in the paper, believe me, I would! It rarely comes however, and the real pay off is from the patrons who put the money in the till. That may sound vulgar, but that's why we are all here. To earn a living and assist our place of employment to be profitable. If you have the skills, it will happen. Any new establishment that opens and provides great promises in the media MUST follow up on those promises. Initial reports of failure will be spread far and wide, much further than reports of success, that's just the way life is unfortunately. If, within a few weeks, these reports of problems persist, you are doomed, the death sentence has been signed and we're all just waiting for it to happen.

When your name is out there it's going to get tougher. When your profile rises higher than the rest, you will be shot at. You have to learn to take crap from all sides, and it's going to happen for the rest of your career. It's a tough gig people! If you are good enough you need say nothing. Accept the praise, ignore the crap, only the insecure hit back.

Most of all, love your work. If you build it, they will come :)

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Is it HOT? Yes Chef, Are You Sure......

2010-02-28T15:46:00.003+10:00

Ok here comes the hammer, brace yourself for this one.

Last night was wedding night again, this one was a small occasion less than half what our capacity can cope with. A nice buffet for the bride, groom and all there guests.

This time of year is generally quiet, and every business will agree that it is one of the toughest periods to get through.
Like many restaurants in our area we have been running on low numbers, saying that we can still expect to do a near full house on Saturday night.

The prep has been slow and I know that it is a time to be well on top of your game or you'll get caught out. With my experience and common sense approach to most things I manage to keep the kitchen in good order, but tonight was just the hammer.
The day was spent preparing like normal. Checking the produce and replenishing where needed. We have a prep list that is ongoing, that is we plan ahead, you write on what is needed maybe Friday or Tuesday according to business. This is major point in the process of having all products and dishes available for the service.

Today was a bit slack as we had little to do, saying that, I always find something, the hardest part is teaching the other chefs to see what I see. Anyway all is ready with plenty of time to 'take it easy' or bludge as the Aussie loves to call it.

When it comes to weddings I am hyper that I have enough and that everything is ready. Believe me there is nothing worse than forgetting something or worse still running out. Touch wood I have a good record and I do not wish to change. Tonight was a nightmare though.

The buffet is full and ready to go. I know that all is top quality as I can do it in my sleep, but what happened next I was not prepared for.

As always I make my presence at the buffet for the top table and the closest relations of the bride and groom. I wish them the pleasantries and make small talk with a few. I explain the buffet in general and then return to the kitchen.

As always I have my team that should be concentrating on the restaurant and back up for the wedding buffet.
I call in to the kitchen from the function room, 'make sure that the next fish, beef and lamb are on the way.'
Back out to great a few more people. Through the door I call for the fish first. A minute later I call for the lamb then the beef.

Out at the buffet, the bridal party have gone trough and we are on to the closest relatives. The chef brings out the fish. We exchange the tray. Then he brings out the lamb, I take one look and question the temperature, is it hot I ask, yes is the reply. I question it as it looked very pink and normally it has a more roast look to it. I ask again are you sure, yes is the comeback, we just need to pour over some more red wine jus.

At this point I return to the kitchen with the empty tray, only to see the apprentice with the tray of beef in his had ready to head for the buffet. I question him is it hot, yes is the reply, are you sure, he put his hand on it and replies yes it is hot, and inside I ask, the reply is, it's warm, WARM I shout. Is it HOT I ask again, yes its warm is the reply.

Now by this time I'm raging and I have a dummy spit WARM IS NOT FUCKING HOT, I put my hand into the centre of the tray of meat, it's FUCKING COLD, I slap a slice onto his inside for arm as he holds the 'hot' tray, there is no reaction because it's fucking cold. Get it in the oven.

Now in those few short seconds my chef that has just replenished the lamb, returns in with the full tray of meat. I bet that's cold too I shout, bring it here. Once again a slice meat is given to my apprentice again cold. What the fuck are you guys trying to do, give someone food poisoning. Why say it's hot when it's fucking not. Don't you test it?

Now I have two chefs that are feeling sorry for them selves, but that doesn't help me. I grab the trays and get the food hot ASAP, I step out to the buffet and apologise for the wait, back in the kitchen I let it rip. The apprentice doesn't know where to turn, my chef knuckles down to the incoming orders from the restaurant, even though we are not busy yet, what a blessing that was. I replenish the HOT food on the buffet and return to the service.

The first order for a soft shell crab comes on and the two chefs are searching for some Japanese bread crumbs to for the dish. 'Oh they should be there' looking in my fridge, that's the prep that I know is there what the fuck have you been doing or not checking.
I leave my post and get a bag of panko breadcrumbs and let it fly at the apprentice.

With the blood pumping through my veins I turn into the incredible hulk, just like him I don't like it but when it comes, you can't fight against it. The big boy apprentice now feels the wrath of the chef, not a pretty site having some one within centimetres from your face giving you shit. In that situation sometimes you find it hard to calm the fuck down. (Image of the hulk courtesy of eneas from Flicker.)

The orders roll in and I announce the dishes, we step up the pace and all I get is a whisper of 'yes chef'. The food leaves the kitchen and the customers are happy. Orders flow and we get a little bogged down, the young apprentice pulls his finger out and storms through the orders, a little behind but still comes up with the goods, I can take that as a good sign of hope, not to give up on him just yet. But for the love of 'whatever' why humans make such stupid mistake I don't know, maybe because we are only human after all.

End Note;
A great chef and I mean a GREAT chef, not a one hit wonder, once told me, after I overcooked all the eye fillet Mignon for the prestige function, that it's not you that they come for, it's me, my name, my food, my restaurant, I'm on show in front of my guests. You embarrass me and let me down when you make mistakes like that. From that day on I was always on my game. Many thanks to A.M a true chef.

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Taste,Taste,Taste and Taste Again

2010-02-22T09:49:00.008+10:00

In this post I want to emphasise the importance of tasting your food!!

It might sound strange to have me say that but you wont believe how often I have to say it. Maybe I like the sound of my own voice, yeah right, you better F.R.O now before I kick your arse too. Why do chefs forget to season or worse forget to taste. Is it down to lack of concentration, to repetitive cooking of the same dish, don't give a toss attitude, it'll be alright chef, or what is it.

I put it down to a couple of reasons. First the chef has to enjoy what they do. By this I mean they have to like to cook!! and not just the odd fish dish or cake now and then, a full-time profession, day in day out. Also the chefs need to be made aware of the importance of taste, you grow to learn taste and flavours, we were not born with the taste of oysters in the mouth or the distinct flavour of ginger. So we have to learn them. How can we learn if we don't taste.

Just the other day I was able to take the night off, well I did just work from 8am to 5pm so I thought I would come in for dinner. We had started a new menu a couple of weeks back and I thought it would be a good idea to see and read and taste it from the other side, the dark side.

All dressed up and smelling nice, wifey and I head out for dinner. We were sat at a table next to friends of mine who just happened to be dinning out. They commented on the menu and food throughout the evening. It was just for that reason that the following took place.

Main meals were being consumed, or should I say not consumed!!!

The waitress asked if all was fine with the meals, and the response was great apart from one dish.

Now just imagine this. The chef of the restaurant is sat in his dinning room eating from his menu having his chefs prepare and cook those dishes. All sounds great, something to be proud of. Well somebody forgot to tell those fucking chefs in the kitchen to have their wits about them and buck the fuck up or you will get your arse roasted.

Back at the table the young lady replies 'I think its a bit salty'.
All shy and embarrassed to say anything, not just because she felt it salty or because I was sat at the next table, but generally she would not be one to complain.

I overheard the conversation, as I do, I try not to miss a thing. I turn and enquire, salty she said, can I try, and so I was given the bowl of pasta.
Holy cow, it was not salty it was bloody salty. You could stand your fork up in the salt. Only after one spoon-full I could feel the inside of my mouth on fire with salt, a real aggressive attack.

It was at this point that I was beginning to rage and with the manager who had just joined us for a drink present that didn't improve the situation.

The waitress took the pasta back to the kitchen, and within seconds the evidence was in the bin. This was not known to me at the time. I proceed to the kitchen, to find a little clarity on this awful situation. Only to see the lost looks on the kitchen team faces.

Did you taste the pasta I shout, where is the plate? In the bin chef. What the fuck. So you didn't try it? Where is the pan, that's got nothing left in it.
Now I find the smallest pot in the kitchen with some pasta left in it. I immediately know what's happened. I taste the water. I am not kidding you when I say that you could float anything on it. You could kill somebody with that saltiness.

The worse thing is not that the water was salty, it is that the food was not tasted at any time during the production of this pasta dish. How fucking stupid is that, nevertheless I did get back to my table and enjoy the rest of my one opportunity out.

I can understand that things get missed now and then, after all we are not cooking for Michelin stars or any accolades, we are just trying to produce good food using the best produce that we can get, for normal people in a small town.
But not to TASTE, TASTE, TASTE, is not fucking acceptable......

P.S I don't expect it to happen again in the near future........

Whose Customers?

2010-01-08T23:25:00.001+10:00

We recently had a new restaurant supervisor start and right from the beginning you could see it wasn't going to work out. Fucking rough slapper, no nice way to put it.

I've heard it all before, we did this at this place and that at that place. I don't fucking care! What can you do here, show me what you got. First weekend she got caught eating food of plates cleared from tables. Next weekend, caught drinking the dregs from returned wine bottles. Next weekend, inappropriately dressed with her tits hanging out all over the place. Just a few days ago, she didn't have a buffet set on time, we had to do it for her and as a result the food was 30 minutes late. Today, a small wedding party in the restaurant, and again, nothing set. Not to mention the fact that the party was over an hour late and nobody had made any attempt to contact the group and enquire as to their whereabouts! Hello! Is it just me or is anyone else seeing a pattern here?

I don't care how many excuses you throw at me. If you're going to talk the talk, then be damn sure you know how to walk the walk. Tonight, you could have cut the tension with a knife. I knew the kitchen was going to get hit hard, and I knew she was itching for a chance to take a pop at me. Well of course I didn't disappoint and yes, a 'fucking' did come out of my mouth. I was actually more upset with the kitchen, but then it came..... "Don't swear at me, my customers will hear you" she said. This waste of space speaks, at the best of times, like a fishmongers wife! My reply? "Dry your eyes, shut up and leave me alone!"

Hang on! Whose customers? Oops, I forgot, they all came to our restaurant for you....idiot!

Fuck You and Your Gorilla

2009-12-12T01:44:00.001+10:00

Fuck you and your gorilla!

A couple of weekends ago, I thought I was gone. That's it I thought, I'll be getting my marching orders in the morning. Thanks for coming, now fuck off and don't let the door slam you on the arse on the way out!

It's Saturday night. We're fully booked, 'with a la carte' on the new menu, we've got a group of 26 coming in on the old menu AND, we have the owner and his group of top brass in. Oh, did I mention they are all booked in between 7 and 7.30!

Anyway, things are now under way. Front of house have managed things fantastically and service is going so bloody sweet, it was amazing. The kitchen guys have held it together and coped superbly with having to prep two menus. The 26 has gone out, the 'a la carte' bookings on the new menu have all been dealt with and we're just sending mains to the owner. Then fucking KABOOM! An important table of big spenders has started to send food back. The complaints were that it took almost two hours to get their mains, then the steaks were undercooked and cold, and other meals were cold also. I was thinking, how could it all go so bad for one table, this is impossible!

Next thing the GM turns up, and the restaurant manager is scurrying round the back for a chat. Then the assistant GM turns up, THEN, the Executive Chef.

Now, during the afternoon, I'd noticed some very drunk arseholes in the pool, which is right in front of the kitchen window, one dressed as a cowboy and one as a gorilla. Bit strange, but hey, it's nearly Christmas.

Well it turns out that these were the same group of men who were now doing the complaining. The guy who had previously been wearing the gorilla suit had been refused alcohol from the moment he sat down. Then one of his mates asked the waitress for a bucket, in case he spewed! I'm talking about a fine dining restaurant here, not some sleasy shithouse. I ended up getting a call from the Assistant GM about 45 minutes later, thanking me for a job well done and not to worry about the table. They were all wasted and really didn't know what was going on.

Another peaceful, low stress day in the world of professional kitchens :)

New Menu Dilemma

2009-12-03T09:35:00.000+10:00

What do you do when a new menu is well overdue, and the business is going through a transition period with many areas being affected, yet all with uncertain outcomes. My dilemma is this. I require a new menu, not just because I want to create some new dishes but also for the enthusiasm and motivation for my fellow workers.

The customers also deserve to have some change as well, but saying that, there are some items that I would be shot for if they were to disappear from the menu. Headlines in the paper would read 'Suicide chef removes Bugs from menu'. We have about six dishes that are long standing, and they do sell very well, it would be easy to remove them if they were slow movers.

The menu is definitely one of the largest on offer in this area, saying that, the one presently running is a bit of a mess, small and average to our the standards that we have set.
With the addition of a couple more 'qualified' chefs we should be able to really push the limits again. Throw into the mix that this is the busiest time of year with lots of weddings to cater for every weekend.

I want to coincided the menu with the refurbish of the dinning room, and probably the opening 7 days, currently we trade only five. Again that will become a nightmare. This will affect the menu drastically, staff rostas will become a challenge. In my many years in the industry I can say that the best atmosphere and stable establishments are closed for at least one day, better two.

I do understand that the loss of trade is sometimes hard to take but the quality of staff and the rest of an establishment is also very important. For some places it is easy to close due to public demand for example a restaurant in the business district doesn't need to open on Sunday.
We however are loosing lots of trade to other establishments on the two days we have had to close due to the lack of staff and staying ability.

So I will be very relieved to get this period behind us and continue on with what we do best and that's cook.

Customers with Dogs

2009-11-29T23:16:00.000+10:00

How very strange. Customers expecting to get a table with their dog!!

I find this a little bizarre. What do you think. Before you bite my head off, I am an animal loving person and do like dogs, but to have them in a restaurant or even on the deck, that's a bit strange and in my opinion not going to happen. It's a restaurant for f..k sake not a kennel, or pound.

Some customers just don't see my side of this and can't quite understand that we don't allow dogs to dine with us...LOL.
Short and sweet post this one but dogs cant read anyway can they.............
Picture courtesy of tallkev/4103068362/ at flicker.

Fresh Seafood Platter on Demand....

2009-11-27T23:06:00.004+10:00

Seafood Platter on Demand....are you crazy or what

Every now and then we get some customers with unrealistic expectations.

Today in the Chefs Kitchen was another example of why.
Customer on the Phone
The phone rang and the waitress answered.
Customer....would you have a seafood platter on the menu?
waitress.... no mam we don't, but we do have a variety of seafood available.
customer.... would you be able to organise a seafood platter?
waitress....when for mam?
customer...tonight.
waitress...I don't think so, but i will check with the chef for you mam,
waitress...excuse me chef, can you do a seafood platter for 2?
chef... when for?
waitress... tonight chef,
chef....are you for real, of course not. maybe tomorrow or the next day.
waitress...i thought not chef, what would it cost anyway?
chef; $100 per person minimum.

Murphy's Law
What do you customers think? Do you really believe that we have fresh crabs, lobster, and prawns just sitting in the refrigerator waiting for you to call up and order seafood platters? and if you don't call we just throw it out when it's off. Yes fresh food does go off, I'd hate to see what's alive in your fridges.

It's hard enough trying to keep the right amount of produce on hand ready for your ever changing habits in regards to eating. Some nights everybody want's chicken and the amount that you have prepared is not enough. The next night you sell none, that's Murphy's law and us chefs hate Murphy.
Plenty of Seafood Variety
Back to the seafood platter. The lady finds it hard to believe that we can't accommodate her wish for a seafood platter. Even the offer of all the seafood on the menu is not enough for her. Bugs, scallops, prawns, mussels, fresh fish, oysters.

Not forgetting the stuffed calamari on the fish of the day of did I forget to mention the soft shell mud crab special that we are providing.
Oh and then there is the crab meat salad with the pork belly if you fancied that.
Sorry no lobster or whole large crabs.

Now I can safely say that on our menu we offer great variety as you can see from just the few items mentioned above, if you like fish and seafood there is ample choice. But about 4 times a year we get Mr & Mrs customer with unrealistic expectations wanting seafood platters just like that.
Think about it
Now if Mr & Mrs customer had thought about it earlier then we most definitely could have arranged it.
What's a quick trip to the fish market eh!!

Oh yes they don't deliver everyday either do they!!.
P.S. this post was written some time ago, but tonight just brought back those memories....

Don't Drink & Drive or Drink & Work..........

2009-11-22T10:48:00.007+10:00

This weekend was as any other busy, busy, busy. Now add to that one of the dishwasher ladies had requested the night off weeks prior. I asked if she would have someone to step in for her that night.This happens so often it's not funny, but getting staff around this place and industry is tough as we all know. A replacement was organised and that was that.

Saturday night and the replacement turns up (on time) shock horror. Only thing is ...........

The boss comes over and says this lady smells from booze!!
Nothing unusual about thought some might think. Having a drink before work or in between shifts is a big NO in my mind.

This lady is introduced and I just wonder!! How does the state of our industry our human race even get like this.

She is well intoxicated. After a few minutes we send her off the premises. She does admit to having a few....LOL

So it was a night with one washer a shit load of dishes and well the rest is history.
How about that coming to work drunk, I might try that one day and see how things pan out how about you......
Picture credit to andrew_mc_d/452713612/ on flicker.

Looks that decieve

2009-11-02T23:42:00.003+10:00

I have cut many a wedding cake in my time, the majority have been made with good craftsmanship. However you do get the odd home made job that lacks the finesse of a professional cake.

The past wedding cake was just one that has to be mentioned. A cake made by professionals, not home made I add.

The cake looked very impressive and was thick with chocolate. That was all fine until it came to the actual cutting and serving. Tonight the cake was to be bagged and given to the guests to take home with them.

The three tiers were all mud cakes of different flavours. One dry and over baked, the other raw and soggy inside. Top kept for better days...It took about a hour to get what was best from the cake and bag it up. All I can say is it was absolute carnage of a cake. I hope not to have another like that.

Please put some thought into choosing your wedding cake and especially how you want it served. Bag it, that's fine but not a creamy soft iced gooey sponge, stick to the traditional fruit cake.

Saturday Night Kick Challenge!!

2009-10-31T10:22:00.000+10:00

It all started from just one kick.

We receive our milk and cream in plastic bottles 2 and 5 litres.

I would try and kick the empty bottle into the food bin at the other end of the kitchen. A bit of harmless fun, and rarely did one enter the bin.
When I would be the one to finish the contents of the bottle, I would try my luck and kick now and then.

Most kicks would skew off in all directions and on the odd occasion it would take out some prep and water jug or something that would spray everywhere, that's why I allowed only myself to get away with it.
After a few close encounters with expensive produce the decks were well protected due to my lack of success.

Now I am officially announcing the Saturday kick challenge. It is open to the chefs on duty, and the manager!! We collect the bottles throughout the week (get this, even the floor staff keep them for us) and at the end of service when all is cleaned and put away the kick begins.

We have an ongoing score sheet on the wall.

Now that you know about this challenge, I wonder if you have ever done something strange in the kitchen. I can also tell you about cricket and softball with aluminium balls. But that's another time.

Soup, Soup, Soup and more Soup

2009-10-28T22:56:00.001+10:00

I know that we have lots of prep and plenty of soup ready for the odd occasion, but that is not what this post is really about.

A booking for 6 at 6pm. A lady arrives, we are only 3 now, can we sit by the window? She asked. O.k we will allow you to have the table for four by the window. Two other ladies join the table and chat.

Next time we look they have upped and moved table and they are four ladies sat there. On a table in the middle of the room!!!

Now get this, are you ready?

The waiter returns from the table and asks,
Is the pumpkin soup thick or thin chef?
I reply, thick.

In comes the order
Entree
2 Ciabatta Bread
Main
3 main size soups and 1 entree soup.

Are you for real!!!!

Then it will not surprise you to find out they ONLY drank tap water for the two plus hours they sat and talked.

So a total bill of less than $80- the only positive was it was a Tuesday night. WTF....Why some people even bother going out I don't know.

Then you get those that share a pizza and breads on a Saturday night, prime time and wallow over a can of soft drink. Better leave that for another time......

Same Shit, Different Depth

2009-10-26T23:23:00.003+10:00

It's refreshing to find out that the stories we tell here on Chef's Kitchen Rant are universal. I've just started a new job and I've spent the last 2 weeks pissing myself laughing at some of the tales told.

Ten years ago, at the Hilton International Glasgow, I was pissed off at the way the industry was going. My Executive Chef at the time told me that I should get used to it, or leave forever. I stated then that I'd hate to see the industry in another ten years time. I decided to stay. So here I am, ten years from that day, back in a large multi venue hotel, and I can tell you that nothing has gotten better. That's not to say I hate the job, quite the opposite, I'm loving it, but it's so very interesting, a decade after my original statement, to review just what has gone on in that time.

What was pissing me off was that I'd worked my arse of to get to where I was, taking all the 'old school' shit and abuse to get to the position of Sous Chef. When I first started my goal was to get to that level. It seemed to me that once you got there, you'd made it as a Chef, and life would get a little more rewarding, a little like basic training in the military, only the good ones get through the boot camp. How wrong could I be?

I believe I am one of the few remaining 'old school' chefs out there, and as such I have seen the 'new school' coming on, and it's frightening! Is this the future? Why do I spend my days wiping arses and tying shoelaces for fucking idiots? Why do I, after 20 years in the job, have to work harder than the kids and get paid almost the same as they do? Why am I busting out a Marie Rose sauce in 5 minutes, to save the seafood buffet, when I was working in a totally different venue? Just because Billy Ballbag forgot it, FORGOT! A fucking seafood buffet! Wouldn't that be one of the first items of mise en place you would check? Oh, hang on, no, I'm a fucking arsehole, because I wouldn't clear it up at the end of the night, and now it's my problem. WHAT THE FUCK?

My Executive Chef is ten years older than me (lots of tens in this post hey?)where will I be then. There will be no more old school, and my senior sous will be the kids who still require spoon feeding. Oh fuck!

Come back sometime in 2019 for an update to this post :)

A Chef Is Not a Personal Nutritionist

2009-10-14T22:42:00.012+10:00

Would somebody please tell me when Chefs in general, became servants of the public and their every stupid whim? I read this recently, thanks to Paula, one of Chef's Kitchen Rant's fans.It was originally a story from the LA Times, USA.

I just find this idea ridiculous. I understand the need for the public to be better informed about what exactly they are eating, but it's not MY job to do it! As a Chef, I see my job as one where I have to 'wow' every customer, exceed their expectations of fine food, indulge them and take them on a journey to the sublime. My job is not to tell them every ingredient I used and in what quantities, how many calories or kilojoules it contains, or what percentage of saturated fat is in each dish.

If I was to start doing that, when would I get time to cook the damn stuff? It's getting more difficult to just cook. New food safety regulations now take up more time than ever. I don't disagree as this helps to keep the public safe and we need these laws to stop the lazy ones getting through. Even if I had to provide all this information, what happens if it's my day off, when some other chef cooks the dish, and gets he recipe slightly wrong? If I was working in the US I would probably be sued!

I don't have a problem with people who want eat food with the knowledge of calorific and nutritional value, just don't come to my place to eat!

What's your thoughts on this, especially those working in the US? As a customer, do you want to see this?

Kahlua and Milk

2009-09-24T09:50:00.001+10:00

At the table...

Waiter; Can I get you some thing to drink?
Customer; I'll have a gin & tonic and a Kahlua & milk thank you.
Waiter; does that come in a bottle? WTF

Back at the bar the waiter is looking for the Bottle of Kahlua & milk, having no luck she returns to the table and...

Waiter; sorry sir, how do you spell Kahlua?

Help us please, this can't be the extent of our industry.

I only know this as the customer spoke to me jokingly after dinner.

How can it be that staff can be so idiot's, I mean, you don't need to make your self look stupid do you? Well the clever ones don't. If you are not sure ask another team member, not the customer.

Even if you only have basic knowledge in the hospitality service, try not to show it. The customer doesn't like to feel that they are being served by a fresh incompetent server! He is paying for your service remember and wants service not a question and answer session.

No you are not expected to know the complete bar and all alcoholic beverages (if you did we probably would have other issues) but show a little interest and have a look around the bar and try to familiarise your self with the bottles and liquids within them. On that note happy drinking....

Man Down.....er.....No.......Men Down......

2009-09-20T01:32:00.004+10:00

We have just survived a couple of weeks with men down and out. The team was halved from 4 to 2 and even at 4 chefs we are running on limited menu... I say that because my menu is usually large and intensive.
These past days have been tough. My trusty chef that I have named this week "the machine", has once again stood by me and stood up and produced the goods.

After going into disaster mode we have managed to keep all dishes on the menu as well as cater for the weddings and functions that we had. Hence the lack of posts here. We are now in the progress of recruiting chefs to steady the ship. A new menu is well over due and will be produced asap.

How hard is it to produce the work of 4 when you are two. Well it's tough but doable. Work longer and harder. Stock up and communicate well. The machine has pumped out some quality food and prep. Now at home on Saturday night well relieved and aching for a soapy bath can rest the tired muscles and limbs that have run hard and long.

We reduced the numbers of bookings. But even doing that we still had plenty to do. It is surprising what you can do. Now looking forward to getting at least one chef back next week.
Tell you the truth, I'm buggered!!

Fuckwit Friday and Shithead Saturday

2009-08-18T12:54:00.005+10:00

I guess you can tell what this post will be about!! Yeah you are right. Once again those fuckwit customers are out and yes it's Friday hence the title. As I am writing this on Monday, I had to add something about those on Saturday so that they didn't feel left out. So Shithead Saturday was born. Friday and Saturday are and will always be the busiest days of our working week, and with that comes all the stress and problems with our beloved customers. The Fuckwit Friday title came to me from our main waitress, I'm not sure if she follows this blog but anyway, it was her who made comment to the common Friday happenings.

This has been going on for sometime now and we have noticed a pattern appearing on both days. Customers are just plain down right stupid and ignorant. They think that just because they have a reservation they own the restaurant. Well no you don't. You don't own your waitperson either and you certainly don't own the chef.

So because of your reservation you think you can have the restaurant changed to accommodate your needs. Well if you had respected the call made to you to confirm numbers and any special requirements then maybe we could have done something for you, but to walk in at 4pm and hand over some cakes then to let us know that you will be less numbers, and looking into the restaurant, asking if that long table along the window is yours, well no. Then to get upset trying to say that you will sit outside then, well no, that is also booked out. Your tables mam are these two nine's.
If you had said when we did call you and you refused to speak with us. Never mind we will see what we can do. The lady then went to the reception and complained to the manager. WTF.
After the phone call asking if we could rearrange the restaurant we explained that we had done it already and that the SB should get a life.

That is a common occurrence with us. Are we doing something wrong?
The Friday syndrome of lunch customers just changing tables at a whim not just once but twice. The questioning of the menu items, that can they have this without that and extra this and none of that saga is so normal it's not funny. The one bill per table system that is such a pain in the rear to put into place it hurts.

Back to the lady with the table change. The evening is well under way and there is a lot of noise in the dinning room, surprisingly it is coming from her table. We ask them to keep the noise down, once, twice and then a third time, not only were they loud but by this time they were rowdy and rude. At the end of the night one cheeky bastard decides to give his ten cents to the manager, I think it was rude of you to tell us to be quiet, he said. It is a restaurant isn't it. We won't be coming back. I heard the conversation and after a couple of Corona's would have normally said something but bit my tongue. The cheek of some people is just down right disgraceful. The poor old couple that were trying to settle there account caught the brunt of the abuse along with the manager and other guests that had suffered far to long.
What is the dinning world coming to I ask........

The Training of Apprentices

2009-08-18T12:49:00.003+10:00

How can we ever expect to have a thriving industry of young chefs entering our work place with enthusiasm and basic knowledge. Today here in Australia it is a shambles. The whole country has got no idea what is going on with the state that the hospitality industry is in. Chefs are in such high demand it's not funny, yet you cant find a good one anywhere. I can give proof to that statement too. I had recently run an add on seek.com.au for an apprentice chef award rates and a Sous Chef at $45,000-50,000 negotiable. I know it's not the best money out there but it is far from the worst We had one applicant for the apprentice position and seven for the sous chef position. Of which three were from over seas, two were only just qualified and two were out of the industry for years and looking to get back in. So there you have it a load of crap. Out of the seven only one would make the grade and coming from overseas would require a visa, which is not much help to our immediate future.

Anyway according to Julia Goodwin and her not so intelligent media people we should be doing fine as so many young chefs are signing up to become apprentices, yeah right pull the other one it's got bells on!! Full read on want a slice of masterchef Julie Goodwin

I have been trialling out some apprentices these past weeks, courtesy of some agency. To say they are of any use would be a lie. I have had 1st 2nd and 3rd year trials and the difference is nothing they are all crap.
I can only put this down to lack of training from qualified chefs out there, the lack of quality control at the training institute, the total inconsistent teaching and learning curriculum Australia wide and worst of all the wrong working kitchen/restaurants that apprentices are allowed to be placed into.
How the hell can we expect young chefs these days to learn the right way to produce food if they only open packets of ready made heat and serve foods?

We need to have in place a industry standard and that needs to be high enough, not to allow the abuse of young chefs, cheap labour basically to be enrolled into business that do not have the sound infrastructure of a good kitchen brigade that produce good quality food from raw materials and not packet quick fix commodities. On that note also, the suppliers these days should keep those so called great new products to the schools and clubs that can put them to good use knowing that they are not teaching a new bread of chef the wrong way. But I guess the supplier doesn't know a good sauce from a packet sauce or for that fact a good restaurant from a slop shop either so I rest my case there.

It is plain to see that the industry is fucked and if we it isn't changed soon then it's not going to worth dining out any time in the future because it will be just packet this and that for dinner, and as MasterChef Australia has just demonstrated anybody can cook and become the next best thing since Jamie Oliver. Somebody needs to do something.

I am open to any suggestions on how to save our industry so that when I retire I can still go and dine out with sound knowledge that I am getting a good meal from good fresh produce, created by qualified chefs. A dying breed...

Guest Post on Banquet Manager's Blog

2009-08-14T09:24:00.008+10:00

Check this out, Our first move into the vast world online with a 'guest post' on So You Want To Be A Banquet Manager. A blog full of funny, interesting and true to life experiences. Get inside the Banquet Managers head and see what it's really like to be a Banquet Manager and more.And here is the rest of it.

The post written by Ranting Chef from ChefsKitchenRant with the title

A Day in The Life of a Young Chef

It is well worth a visit and a great read, please enjoy and leave a comment, feedback is so important. Image courtesy of So You Want To Be A Banquet Manager.

Want a slice of MasterChef Julie Goodwin

2009-08-03T13:13:00.010+10:00

'Everyone wants a slice of the chef' was the title of yet another full page spread about MasterChef.

NO. Not everybody. Get your facts right. I certainly don't want anything to do with that sort of crap.

Even worse is that according to the Sunday paper Julie Goodwin has four publicists, a celebrity agent, a looming book deadline, a magazine column, frantic TV and radio appearances--and random strangers asking for advice. What the fuck is going on, she is a nobody for peat sake, before this show started she was a house wife and runs an I.T. business and at tops, a hobby cook.

How many chefs out there would be dying for a little help from the media to get ahead?
What about those who bust their balls day in day out for Michelin stared chefs just trying to break into the limelight?

Oh well I must admit that I would have loved some one to grab up myself years back just to help get ahead grab some publicity. But then I'm not MasterChef even though I have busted my balls for the last 20+ years cooking for the public, yes I guess some of the 4.9 million of those that reckon that Julie is the best thing since sliced bread, Fuck you. You are a bunch of people that probably think that you will win the next 90 million on the lotto, yeah right.

I don't understand how these producers come up with this stuff, it's just so fake.

Quote 'cooking schools are filling up with students, kitchen-supply shops selling out'. Fuck, where do you get that information? It's just a big joke, we will see in a few months time, how it is and in a few years, how it is. You are just trying to mask how bad it really is and trying to make out that it's easy and anybody can do it! FRO. Quote 'we had no idea the snowball effect it would have'

Julie Goodwin's cookbook, with the working title 'Our Family Table' will be published by Random House around April next year. Apparently that means Julie has seven weeks to compile, write and test 100 recipes. She said that they've lined up someone to help with the food testing, quote "but I'm not going to send someone a recipe if I haven't tested it myself" I wait with baited breath to see whats in this book, baked beans on toast or roast beef and Yorkshire pud, or battered fish 'n' chips. Oh well, I wont be wasting my money on it that's for sure. Just as bad as that bullshit '4 ingredients', a classic I saw on Martha Stewart, ginger tart was the title. It was ginger biscuits, condensed milk, and banana topped with whipped cream. What a crock of shit, that's ginger tart my ass ladies! Why don't you go and climb back under that rock you came from?

As for all you young starters out there, I hope that you don't expect us to wipe your backside after you crap yourself when the service gets going and the chef demands perfection, Julie won't be there to help. You better wake up to reality quick or you will get eaten by yet another fake dream.

Remember, chefs are not just TV stars, we cook for a profession, it's our life and not a one night stand. It's in our blood. You don't become a MasterChef just by winning a house wife cooking show and you won't become a master chef overnight, I and many others have been striving for perfection for years and still wouldn't dare give ourselves the title of a MasterChef.

Here you can read more about MasterChef Australia

Image credit :MasterChef photos

MasterChef Australia

2009-07-22T12:10:00.009+10:00

We all saw the final episode of MasterChef Australia right? Well, 4.9 million of you did. That's the biggest viewing number in an Australian non-sporting television event, and 4.9 million of you wasted your fucking time.

What the fuck is Julie Goodwin a Master Chef of exactly?

I tried to avoid the show when it was running, but unfortunately I did however see a few episodes, kind of like 'rubbernecking' at an accident, you know it's going to be awful, but you just can't help looking.

This show was a fucking joke. I thought the point of it all was to help showcase undiscovered amateur talent, to give a leg up to someone who wanted to be in the industry, not to find the best Australian home cook.

Julie runs an I.T. business in New South Wales and states that her favourite cuisine is 'Aussie'. Now she wants to open 'a little homestyle cafe on the coast, serving unpretentious food'. Well, lets all rush to the cafe for Australia's next taste sensation. I don't fucking think so.

In the competition, she failed badly, many times, she was an absolute fucking wreck in the kitchen during stressful periods and there's just no way she would ever make Chef material.

What is it that's so fucking trendy about chefs at the moment? Why is it that there's so many celebrity chefs out there, trying to turn the industry into some kind of fucking reality TV show? They're hyping it all up, getting people excited, getting them into the industry, and 2 months later, our new 'young guns' are gone, when they realised that it's really bloody hard work! It's insulting and degrading for qualified chefs.

I made a dessert special for service this evening, one on the comments passed was that it was 'better than MasterChef' Fuck Right Off! Now that they've seen how 'easy' it is on TV, we're going to have everyone giving us their two cents worth, I mean, if Julie can do it, we all can, right?

Here's the news, no you fucking can not! It's in the blood, it's something that can only be experienced after many, many years in the job. Once you get to 15 - 20 years, just maybe, if you're good enough, you may be lucky to be honoured as a true Master Chef. It's a title that should be bestowed upon you, from your peers.

Julie, you seem like a nice person, but you are not a Master Chef, so please, do us all a favour, stay the fuck away from our industry. Sell your book, have your 15 minutes, and go F.R.O back to I.T.

Lack of Leadership. Who's in Control?

2009-07-18T09:17:00.000+10:00

Is anybody in control or are you all just plodding along?

How disappointing it is when you get to go out only to see the sad effects of poor leadership.
Once again I have to say it happens too often. You can see it in lots of places not just the food service industry but other service industries as well.

If you have a leader that can deal with any situation that may arise that's good, if not then look out. The side effects of a place with no leader can be very detrimental to your business.
If your establishment gives off bad and incompetent vibes your in trouble.

It is easy to recognise a damsel in distress, the hardest thing is not being able to help them your self, correct?

Imagine having a problem with a customer and not knowing what to do. First thing is you look for help and guidance, only to find nothing because nobody knows better. In other words your stuck with the problem, and, more often than not you try to forget about it and hope it goes away, or keep out of sight of the customer or the problem right. WRONG. You need to show some balls and deal with it.

The first thing you need to do is put your self in their position. Then and only then will you have any idea of what you may or may not do to try and solve the issue. More often then not it is a communication barrier and that is easily sorted.
If not, step outside of the box and look in, then you will see what can be done.

Take a proactive attitude and make the change, be better at what you do and you will notice the difference from all angles, the customer, the management and your fellow workers.

Not everybody was born a leader, but most of us have equal opportunity to learn, its just that some don't make the effort. You have to want it.

As for the management, well, if you can't see the problem of having no staff with controlling capabilities then you need to sack your selves because the problem lies with you first. That statement might get up your nose coming from a chef but believe me I have seen plenty of idiots become so called managers or have management positions just months after transferring from being a bloody brick layer. Work it out it's not rocket science.....

image credit:pedrosimoes7

Sous Chef or Monkey

2009-07-13T11:17:00.006+10:00

I just had to laugh when wifey read this out to me.

A reputable business in CQ is advertising for a Sous Chef. A great job for a qualified chef to step into, well you would think so.

Firstly lets talk about the job of a Sous Chef.
The Sous Chef is second in charge of the kitchen which means he/she must have a considerable amount of knowledge to understand what is required to run the kitchen in the absence of the head chef.

This knowledge doesn't just happen, you need to gain experience in real kitchen life, and lets just clarify that a pub, sandwich bar, fast food outlet and any other place that thinks it is a classy food establishment but isn't, don't count. You come to me with your poxy 5 years in and out of the above you are just waisting mine and your time.

The Sous Chef will be the engine of the kitchen the person who cooks, checks, orders, beats, grills and gives you the bollocks before the head chef has to be disturbed. He is the Head Chef's lynch man and will generally have one objective and that is to become a Head Chef themselves. That means basically that they will be doing everything that the Head Chef does so that when the opportunity arrives they can slip right in and take over without any drama.

A good Sous Chef must not only have fine cooking skills and posses a great deal of ability in all areas of the kitchen, but must also be a motivator and a leader. It is with great leadership that one can motivate the team to reach better standards.

In very large kitchen brigades there will be many Sous Chefs, 5 or even 6, each with a particular area of control and from these will be one leading Sous Chef often known as the Executive Sous Chef. The lowest or newest Sous Chef would be known as the Junior Sous Chef, but even at this level one not to be messed with, as they will be wanting to jump up the ladder too, and will do what ever it takes to get there, lets face it, who wants to be called junior for a long time?!!

So to become a Sous Chef, a chef will need to have experience in a vast amount of kitchen knowledge. As the career of a young chef begins they will be an apprentice, this will span from say 2 to 4 years depending on country and establishment. Here I wish to point out that you want to be learning from, and in a good kitchen, not an Average Joe place where they buy in the majority of time consuming and hands on jobs, for example stocks and sauces, soups and vegetables, cakes and pastries. This will tell you something about the quality of management and also the chefs that are employed, once again do some research.

After the completion of the apprenticeship the next level is a Commis Chef. The Commis Chef is a chef that does a lot of work and gets grilled for everything. Basically the hardest years in the young chefs life. He is qualified and is expected to perform, that is where the pressure begins, a lot of basic work is done, but with greater ability and knowledge to be learnt. Again the larger the establishment the more levels of Commis Chef you will find 1st commis, 2nd commis, and sometimes even 3rd commis.

The next promotion will be to a Chef de Partie, or if its a large place they will sneak in a Demi Chef de Partie. This is where you get to shine as a chef, it is where you are in control, or not, as the case may be, of a whole section. The kitchen is broken down into sections, I will leave the great detail to another post but for now they are larder, sauce, fish, grill, veg, pastry, butcher, and so on. The smaller the kitchen the more the sections become one, for example, the grill and fish will join, the sauce and veg will join. The butcher will be omitted, you get the picture. So you see that the bigger the establishment hopefully the better the kitchen will be set up with the chefs and sections for all to learn.

As a CdP it is your responsibility to have your area in control and set for every service. This is your opportunity to shine as an individual leader of a team, generally the CdP will have his own DCdP and commis that will work with him to run the section. It is here that the future sous chefs are born, only with determination, readiness and drive will you outshine your opponents, the other CdP's, to get chosen as Sous Chef, am I building a picture of how it all works, can you see that a Sous Chef is not just a general chef from some average hole, he/she is, and should have worked bloody hard to be given the title and gain the respect of which a Sous Chef should have?

Now with all this experience and knowledge, you would probably have been working hard at your chosen career for a minimum of 5 to 7 years and even then you are becoming a young Sous Chef. After 7 years of grafting and slaving your hours behind the stoves of many kitchens, you would hope to break into some better pay level, especially as Sous Chef with the responsibility of the kitchen in your hands at some time or other.

With the minimum wage staying at $543.78 per week that is $14.31 per hour based on a standard 38 hour week. Now I don't know any chef that does a 38 hour week, you've got to be dreaming, right? I also find it very confusing all this bullshit award system for each different hotel, motel, cafe, resort in each different state and so on, so lets cut the crap and get to the point, which is for $40-45,000 per year I won't get out of bed and nor should you if you have good background experience and knowledge. For a start you'll probably be expected to work about 50-60 hours a week, now you do the math, are you willing to work your arse off for about $14.90 per hour with all your talent, surely you're worth more than that, I know I am.
So back to the advert, a Sous Chef for $40-45,000, or a monkey, the choice is yours.
I understand that the industry pays poor but that is a joke. Especially for a place that charges customers $12 or $14 for a bowl of soup of the day, what the.....

If we charge the customers more for the product that's fine, we all know that commodities are not cheap, and restaurants need to make money to stay open, the question is, how greedy do some need to become?
Go and feed your monkey you moron, I'm going back to bed....................

image credit:dannyboyster

Are You Really Sick?

2009-07-02T16:02:00.013+10:00

The hospitality industry is one of those environments where it can be detrimental to other peoples health if you are sick and you work. Just the thought of someone sneezing into your plate of food, or not washing their hands after smoking or visiting the toilet, or even just touching their face is bad enough. We all must be very self conscious of our behaviour. Personal hygiene is of the upmost importance.

The thing is, where is the line between just calling in for a sicky and letting your team down, or not allowing the restaurant to take full advantage of what could be a busy night. But do you really care? I mean if you are (just) an employee, why should you care. I guess you don't have to, I mean we are one of the lowest paid professions out there hey. Funny that I have always had a thing for not taking a sick day even if I was sick, I guess that's just my nature, some may find it hard to believe and think how stupid of me but that's your opinion. I do it because I feel that I let my fellow team down and that I need to be there, just because.

The sad thing is that so many staff are just not like me and will take a sick day just like that, if the sun's out they will be sick, if the girls are going out they will be sick, if they drunk a bit too much they will be sick, mind you, the majority of staff are casual anyway and don't get sick day allocation, that means they won't get paid for it either, do they care, I don't think so. The cash must be rolling in for them some how. I reckon if I add all my sick days allocated to me over the past 20+ years, at 10 a year I would be able to take a very long paid break, sick of course!

Anyway the other day I had a slight tickle in the throat, I thought not much of it, sucked on a strepsil and kept up my usual 3 litre and more of water a day. I am generally quite a sick free person, touch wood, so I went to work and got on with my tasks. My body started to ache all over, I must have gone about 6 times for a pee, now that's not normal for me, so I knew something was up. By about 8pm I was pretty fucked. My fellow Chef said that I should go home, me being me was very resistant to that idea but eventually gave in and home I went.

Home to wifey who herself was a bit under the weather. I said that I think I might be coming down with something. My temperature reading 38.7 clarified the thoughts.
A double panadol and 'essig wickle' in German I guess you can translate them into vinegar socks, it is tea towels soaked in ice cold vinegar water and then wrapped around my feet, covered in plastic bags then wrapped up in thick towels. Then I was asleep.

After what I can recall as a good nights sleep, I woke with aching pain all over, the temperature had gone and my throat was already better, my voice however was very strange. I don't like to go to the doctor or dentist for that matter anyway, and this was again going to escape my wish list, as I had promised my fellow Chef that I would go and I do keep up my word. An appointment was made for the following day as they are so busy. I guess with everybody running to the Doctor for the most trivial of things I guess it's no wonder they are booked out. Not so good for the person who really needs to see them, ever thought about that people, I guess not.
The day progressed and I started to feel slowly better, less pain, better voice no temperature. I did spend all day lying down doing sweet FA, but that's what you do when your sick, you don't go shopping or visit friends or whatever you fakers do.

Today I saw my Doctor. The practice was like a train station, people everywhere coming, going, paying, the phone ringing, boy I thought my job was mad, the only difference being that they had staff everywhere!
I had the stick in my mouth ready to gag and all the other prods and pokes, lights in the ears and eyes, questions about this and that, after about five minutes I was out of there. $65 bucks lighter and a packet of tablets to swallow. No findings from the Doc though, he reckoned that what I had I had got rid of already, I thank the 'essig wickles' for that.
Considering how I felt the other night I am glad to be over it. A phone call to work to let them know that I would be in the next day if I stay the same.

Later that afternoon my Sous Chef in charge called and said that I could take the next day off to recover more, he has it all under control, that's great news and a little good Karma coming my way. Thank you.

False Advertising

2009-06-21T11:38:00.009+10:00

Here is another classic advertisement.

Advertising can be very effective if done in the right places, and the correct way.

For me word of mouth is the best form of advertising, definitely not inflated, self opinionated advertising.

This brings me to write this post.

I rarely get a newspaper, basically because I can find all that I want over the net. But just the other day a friend of mine had this paper and showed me an article about respect. A very apt column and one that we both agreed on, I mentioned that I had read something very interesting the last weekend whilst having a coffee in town, about peoples professions and how others outside of their professions knew better, go figure.

Anyway after bringing the paper home and having lie around for a few days I began to thumb through it, only to stumble at the first page.

Right there in big full colour was some advertisement for a place that serves food and drink, it has a name but that's 'the secret'.
This ad would have cost a bit as it took up a third of the page.
It had the normal, place name, opening times, where it is, and a slogan of the establishment "yeah right", a picture and then the detailed stuff.
Now all the above is fine, because it is generally true fact, I mean your not going to put in a false address or telephone number are you!

But what got me again, is many over inflated establishments that need to drum up business, over exaggerate their ability, or lack of should I say. Just like a lot of people do themselves. Lets not go there right now.....

The right to state that you are, or have the biggest and the best...........in CQ (you fill in the gap) is down right bullshit and false advertising. How do you know that it is true? Have you been to every eatery in CQ and tried and tested them, I don't fucking think so.

Next CQ's FAMOUS..............once again fill in the gap. How does something become famous? Recognition and accolades, over a period of time famous, not just in your little shoe box.

Then how about this 'Award Winning Chefs', here I just have to laugh. Maybe they do have awards, like apprentice of the year, a big well done, or a culinary award from the Brisbane food expo, or some competition for best young chef in Queensland, they are awards. Not some piece of shit plaque that you won at the fucking show or fair, or maybe a cook off in the shopping centre.

The point is, lets not get carried away with this awards hype, the proof is in the pudding as the saying goes. Not some certificate that says you have the best or highly commended what ever in the region, voted or judged by the region. What the fuck! Stop all this I'll vote for you if you vote for me bullshit. Wake up to yourselves.

I have awards, but do I publish them or use them as advertising!? My fellow chef has more awards, does he do the same? No. If you have a real award well congratulations and very well done for participating, but cut the crap.

Awards and certificates are given out too easily by organisations with little or no depth within the industry. That's OK, but lets not over inflate them. An award from the Good Food Guide Australia or something like that well that's different. It's almost like saying you worked for Gordon Ramsay, when you only lasted half a day!!

On that note, lets move on hey.........

Wobbly Tables

2009-06-17T14:14:00.006+10:00

What I really hate when I dine out is tables that wobble.

So often these days I sit down at the table and you guessed it, it wobbles.
More often than not the uneven floor is to blame, but most modern tables can be adjusted with a simple turn of one or more of it's feet.

As a fellow chef pointed out just the other evening as we sat at one of our own dining tables which had been vacated earlier by paying customers, that a previous employer of his would have made the biggest scene about the unsteady table. The staff would be on a knife edge if he was to dine at their table and find it to have a wobble.

So here we are late at night with the staff long gone trying to enjoy a meal that was prepared some time ago. To have to sit at this table was to us very disturbing.

You imagine paying top dollar to sit at a table that moves every time you lean on it!!

I imagine it to be like a total let down to make a reservation, arrive on time, be greeted with a beaming smile and a "good evening Mr Smith please follow me to your table" only to sit down and the first time you place your arm on the table it moves.

Now not only did the restaurant know you were coming, they had assigned you a table, which means somebody had to have arranged the cutlery and glassware put the candle on, fill the salt and pepper shakers and so on before you actually arrived. So why the fuck didn't they check the table for a wobble? That is the question.

I'll tell you why, because they don't care.

I was out the other day for coffee and yes my table had a wobble. This is one of the worse times to sit at a wobbly table because your coffee often ends up in the saucer, especially if its an average cup-pa, one with no body, just milky wash, better leave that for another post.

Anyway must go to work now and rev up the staff to check and fix those tables.

Chefs Versus Customers Revisited

2009-06-14T19:14:00.014+10:00

If you're easily offended, exit now, this is not going to be pretty.

Well, it happened again. Another waitress in tears due to a table of prize fucktards.

It's Saturday night, we have a well booked restaurant, a wedding for 90, an understaffed establishment and we're ready to fucking rock and roll! One of our tables is a 16 pax, no problem, I find big tables easier to deal with most of the time as usually they are all family, friends or celebrating a common theme. All of which makes the event about them and what they are there for, rather than out to have a dining experience or to critique the restaurant.

It takes the pressure off us in the kitchen, as usually they can wait a little longer, on the understanding that we are not a club, RSL or a fucking dining hall. We are a restaurant, we cater for little parties of people, 2, 4, 6 no problem. If you all want to dine at the same time you need to book a fucking function room, accept one of the function menus and then we call the shots as to when you will receive your courses. That is simply the way it is done, if you don't like it, go somewhere else that can accommodate your needs, that's business.

If you really want to come to our establishment to dine from the 'a la carte' menu, then you are going to have to accept that your large group experience is NOT going to be an intimate journey of fine wines, Michelin star food and exquisite service. We are not set up that way and we cannot change the entire restaurant to suit the needs of 16 people out of the 160 or so that we will cater for this evening, so...

SIT DOWN, SHUT UP, AND PLAY BY THE FUCKING RULES!

This particular table turned out to be a bunch of geriatric old fucks, poncing it up as if they were Lords and Ladies, with their cheap nasty perfumes, pink rinses and plastic fucking earrings! Criticising everything they could and generally making themselves difficult and awkward for all the staff. They sat there for an hour, pissing around before they ordered, then placed the order and starting moaning about the length of wait they had after 20 minutes.

What the fuck?

We are an 'a la carte' restaurant. What does Lord Fuckhead, in all his royal wisdom understand this to be? Just calm the fuck down. They are not paying $500 dollars a head, we're lucky to get $30 out of these fucks. We do not have food sitting in bain maries waiting for their order, so that we can 'chop and slop' their meal to the table. Even if we did, the reaction we got from the great food that we did serve, would have been insignificant to the reaction they would have with 'chop and slop' style.

Rude, arrogant, ignorant fucks!

The situation seems to be in control however, our specialist on the floor, who has the ability to pacify such groups has moved in to take control. Fine, job done, eat up, pay up and fuck off, thank you :)

The last meals go out and I'm soon heading out for a ciggy, only to find waitress pacifier in tears! She might not be the perfect waitress, but intelligent and certainly not one to be fucked with, and the arrogance of our 16 pax has created this!

I am so fucking pissed off. It makes my blood boil. Read my previous post for a more in depth look at why I'm so angry.

http://chefskitchenrant.blogspot.com/2009/05/chefs-versus-customers.html

So, now we are a staff member down. Is this group of fucking arseholes happy now? That they've upset someone to the point of tears, should we bring her out to show them what they've done? Will they go home tonight thinking that they had a great night because they fucked with someones emotions? FUUUUCK, I'm FUCKING RAGING! But yet, somehow, somewhere, there is still something in all hospitality professionals that keeps us from returning the arrogance. Why is this? Well, just maybe, it is because we have a passion for excellence and a drive to ensure every customer has an enjoyable experience, it's why we do the job, and it's what we were taught to do. And maybe, it's because we are simply better people.

One of these days though, I'll be caught off guard and I'm going to throw the fuckers out myself!

Dirty Staff

2009-06-08T09:30:00.008+10:00

How many of you like to come to work and see someone's arse crack? Very few I would imagine. That is one of my pet hates and unfortunately it is becoming more and more popular due to the current 'fashions'. This is ridiculous. Not only is it unhygienic, but it really isn't a pleasant thing to see. If i wanted to see somebodies arse every time I came to work I'd ask Shrek to trade places with me =) NOT COOL! I'm sorry but no matter how you spin it, having pants down around your ankles is not a good thing. Which brings me to another blog about uniforms.

Now the majority of chefs take pride in the uniform we wear. It may sound silly, but the clothes Chefs wear are universally known and recognised to many as professional and extraordinary. But what about waiters? What is symbolic to their dress code? Do waiters take the same pride in there appearances as Chefs? I doubt it.
Lets face it, as Hellraiser has previously stated in many of his posts, most waiters take on this roll to earn some extra cash or for something to do of an evening. It isn't a lifestyle or a career choice for them. Do they know why they wear aprons below the knee? Do they know the history of their standard uniform? Chefs do, so why don't they?

The answer is plain and simple. They just don't care. But honestly, even if you don't care about where your uniform originated, at least have some pride in your appearance and enough self respect to tuck in your shirt and pull you fucking pants up! Does you mother need to come to your house and dress you every morning?
The amount of people who turn up to work wearing dirty aprons and unironed shirts seems to be growing by the day. Aren't we supposed to be in a society now that is consumed by vanity? Well if so, why is it that no one takes 5 minutes to iron their shirt and find a clean apron?
People don't care how they look and how they present themselves anymore, they only care about getting paid. This mentality is simply unacceptable.
Who wants to go to a fine restaurant for dinner and be served by a grotty slob waiter. It's not good for business and it's not good for your personal reputation. No one is going to recommend the restaurant to a friend if they have been served by Sloppy Waiter Dumbass.
Have a bit of pride people and show some respect for your employment establishment and yourself!

Where's The Balls?

2009-06-07T14:47:00.007+10:00

I'm starting to believe that the fans, followers and silent authors on this blog have no fucking balls. Are you all so fucking weak that you have nothing to say? No comments? Do you agree or disagree with my outlandish posts?

Well, I always knew I was correct in everything I said!

Fans, if you visit this blog, for fucks sake, SAY SOMETHING.

Followers, stop hiding in cyberspace and SHOW YOURSELF.

Silent authors (I know who you are) WRITE A BLOG, NOW, or maybe we should remove you from permissions?

Are you all just going to lie down and let myself and Ranting Chef walk over you? Or do you have an opinion that's worth voicing?

Fucking pussies, prove me wrong, I DARE YOU!!!! LOL :)

Anything You Can Do, We Can Do Better!

2009-06-06T00:43:00.005+10:00

(Chefs Versus Waiters, Part 2)

"I will wear a fucking bow tie under my whites, just in case I have to get out there myself."

A bold statement indeed, but sadly, a very true one.

This is something I have been ranting on about for years, and it was my Executive Chef who stated the above and jogged my memory. When I posted previously and said that I did know better, it was because I DO know better! Having had the privilege to work in some of the finest establishments around the world, has not only taught me how to cook like The Almighty Chef God that I am, it has also taught me how floor service should be!

I know exactly what should, and should not be going on, and if it came down to it, I could work on the floor very easily. How many floor staff could jump into a section of the kitchen with only a few minutes notice? Now I know there are floor staff out there who have qualified as chefs, but have then chosen to work on the floor. That's fine, but you need to do the job better because you have some insight to what's going on in the kitchen.

How many floor staff know the difference between a grenache and a verdelho, and which foods would match them? Do any of them know how to decant? And by the way, champagne corks are not designed for flight!

What does waitress cryalot know about a bowl of fucking ice cream? Where's the scoop? Where's the bowls? What sauce and where is it? Um....where's the freezer? Yet I know my table numbers, I know the menu inside out, I can work the bar and till, and I can carry fucking plates all night long and exactly the way the Chef had instructed me! What's so fucking hard about it? The real skilled floor staff are the ones who know how the kitchen works and how to manage customers with it. That's a skill I don't have, as that can only come from experience, but when I see it in action, it's a joy to watch. It's all part of the show!

So apprentice fuckwit just burned the shit out your meal, and your table is ready for mains, but it's going to take another 30 minutes for the meal to be cooked again. Should we just try to ignore you for half an hour, hoping that you don't catch our eye? Or should we be over at your table, pouring wine, getting more drinks and maybe an amusebouche or bread to tide you over as the kitchen are very busy at the moment? Chances are, you'll never notice 30 minutes have gone by and then your meals are at your table. Job done. Happy customers. It should be like this if we do 12 or 120 customers, every night.

I've dined like royalty, I've eaten the finest foods with the finest wines and been served on like an Almighty Chef God :) However, it still remains that waiter dumbass, and the casual infected with RSRS, get the shits because you're telling them what they should be doing in certain situations. If only they would listen their work life could be so much easier.

Actually, fuck off and let me show you how it's done, because you have the brains of a stripper!

Rock Star Retards

2009-05-22T22:36:00.006+10:00

I always told myself that the day I started to lower my standards to a level below that which was expected from me that I would either quit the job and move somewhere better, or, if there was nowhere better to work, quit the industry.

Well that day has arrived, but I'm not quitting the industry and I am definitely NOT quitting my job!

You see, the problem here is that our industry is becoming infected with an insidious disease, which I am now christening 'Rock Star Retard Syndrome'. RSRS is commonly found amongst those with an over inflated opinion of themselves and those speeding down the ego highway to megalomaniacal tendencies.

You've heard it all before about my experiences and travels as a Chef, and the frustrations I have with the industry, but now i have to rub shoulders with those carrying RSRS and face possible infection myself.

I have always tried to remain humble and modest through my career, and let my work do the talking. I never have been in the job for fame and fortune, but sometimes, if you're good enough, it happens. That said, I am guilty of having a massive ego, or high horse as some might say! However, I recognise and respect my peers. I work directly under the Executive Chef, I have to follow his instructions, his methods, his presentations, even though they may be very different to mine.

That's the way life is, or I thought so. Now I have to listen to the insane ramblings of the fucking RSRS. If I ask you to do something nicely, with a please at the end of it, well, WHAT'S YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM? :) LOL, don't come and speak your RSRS language with me, I don't get it. In fact, why don't you go bang your head on the wall for a while, it may help you understand what I'm going to say.

You're not a star, you're sad, and I feel sorry for you and your miserable fucking life. It's time to unpack the suitcases and cancel the ego trip. The star of the kitchen is the one who pulls it all together every day and night and the team they create around themselves, not you, you're a little cog in a big machine.

So for all you rock stars out there, maybe do some homework, find out who you're working with, I did, and the findings can be outstanding!

Hellraiser Chef

I Hate Doing Breakfast, Especialy When......

2009-05-17T10:48:00.009+10:00

Sunday morning @7.30 the phone rings. I am fast asleep in another world. The voice on the line screams "chef we need more sausages, can't find the fruit platter, the waitress is not here yet, HELP."

*PAUSE & REWIND***

Now after a big Saturday service, restaurant big tables a high profile wedding special customers to have cakes ready for, the last thing on my mind is work and definitely not breakfast.

Our breakfasts are set up so that the chef or a chef doesn't have to do them. Lets face it, it's not rocket science to scramble eggs cook bacon or sausages is it.

Now the deal is

The kitchen staff prepare the breakfast, and the ladies come and cook it. Nice and simple, and any chef with his head screwed on would be very grateful to the help they receive from the breakfast crew.
Also when there is excess room service, we set the trays with all that we can, prior to cooking and serving. This is a huge benefit to the breaky person as they don't need to run around chasing things like jams and cereals etc

So now that you can understand the set up we have, it should be plane sailing eh!!

The breakfast prep is usually done after the service as we require the trays and space for other items, also we don't get much chance either with the ala carte prep of high importance first.

Breakfast Prep

So the order from Chef goes out to the Apprentice get the breakfast prep done and the trays plus make sure the pancake mix is there. How many for chef? Do plenty as we can use whats left for Tuesday breakfast so make enough (fatal error *1) Yes chef comes the response.

The thing now to remember is that the prep is always the same only depending on numbers to does the quantity change.

It's 11.30 pm and chef is having a beer and dinner. He asks the apprentice if the prep is done, yes chef, are the hash browns up? yes 2 bags chef, trays and pancake mix done? yes chef. (fatal error*2)

Around midnight the apprentice goes home, chef checks with the wedding staff to find out how things went, says goodnight to some guests that he recognizes and so on. The wash up is now finished and after all is checked and turned off he gets to go home.

*PLAY******

It's 7.55am and I get to work the breaky lady is frantically getting fruit for the fruit platter. I take over and get it done. Then I search for some more sausages.
I ask is everything o.k. the response is not good. Apart from the obvious, the breaky lady reals off a few things, like i had to go and get the bloody hash browns, whats with only a few sausages, how come there is so much furniture n the restaurant and so on.

Now I like my breakfast ladies and really appreciate what they do, what I hate is fucking apprentices that don't get the job done properly, especially one that you should know by now, and after the crock of shit fruit platter you attempted last time, what the fuck are you up to? Maybe if you paid more attention to the career you have chosen instead of knowing all the fucking words to god knows how many Lilly Allen songs you would become a better chef and not a fucking pain in the ass on Sunday Morning.

Things to remember

Fatal error*1 don't give an job of prep without the exact amount.
Fatal error*2 don't rely on the apprentice to do the job properly.
Fatal error*3 CHECK every thing and then CHECK again.

Now my message to my apprentice, and any other for that matter.
Firstly; Pay Fucking Attention
Second; do the job properly and not a half ass effort
Third; always do more than you have to 110%
Forth; if you take or use the last firstly inform someone, second replenish it if available.
there is probably loads more but will save them for another time

Message to self, Don't rely on your apprentice even if you think you may have a hopeful one. It will bite you on the ass.
Question to self, Why do you still do what you do?

Garlic Bread

2009-05-13T21:49:00.003+10:00

I can think of nothing more plain, boring and basic than garlic bread as an entree on the menu.

Yet this is so popular in restaurants it's just not funny. O.K. so there are different ways of serving or even preparing garlic bread, whether it be a cob loaf, a baguette, a ciabatta bread, basic sliced loaf, pizza bread, what ever it is it's still bloody garlic bread.

Before my arrival in the land down under I had never served garlic bread in any of the restaurants that I had worked, that has since changed as it is every where. Fortunately my place of work now does not have it on the menu, it was one item that I quickly removed. Although if asked we do prepare a pizza garlic bread or ciabatta toast.

What I can't understand is that some dinners prefer to order and pay $12 for bread when they could have a different entree for the same if not a bit more and get something that you can't buy on the shop shelves.

I do understand that the waiter does ask if you would like a bread while still deciding on what to order or while you wait, but often the case is that the bread was enough and go straight to main meals.

Another thing is that they often share one bread between 4 and that's about one slice each, hey didn't you just come out for dinner, not just a snack, then you get up and leave saying that your still hungry, go figure.

Oh well if you really want to eat garlic bread or what ever bread for that matter then go a head but don't whinge if you find the menu boring or to expensive, stop eating and paying for basic garlic bread and try something different, chances are you will be surprised at what you get and you might enjoy your night out a bit more and talk to you friends about something different than garlic bread for dinner!!

Public Holiday Surcharge

2009-05-09T11:18:00.001+10:00

The 15% public holiday surcharge is another angry topic for customers.
First they think that they should not have to pay it full stop.
Some dispute that the particular day in question is not a pubic holiday and should not pay it. Then others complain as to why they should pay it.

Let me tell you why

The hospitality industry is renown for its low pay, it’s so called award wage (a load of bollocks) It is among the lowest payed work forces out there. So you cheap skates complain about paying a measly 15%, fuck off and don’t come back.
You probably wouldn’t have left a tip either, for the luxury of being able to dine out on Christmas, Easter, Anzac or Mayday just to mention a few, while we work for your pleasure. The majority do it without any reward mind you!!!
So next time you dine out on one of these special days pay a little thought to the fortunate situation you are in, unlike the chef, waiter, washer or cleaner that enables you to enjoy.

Restaurant profits

As you probably don't know the profit made in restaurants is not huge. Why do you think they are always changing owners or going broke! It is hard to make money. How can that be I here you ask. Well for a start the wholesale price of food is basically the same as retail.
When you go shopping I bet you almost always say 'wow thats gone up' or 'thats expensive' or 'how much did we just spend on groceries', am I right, I bet I am.

How Restaurants Make Money

Now that you realize how expensive everything is and that restaurants don't get it on the cheap, how can we make money. Well for a start lets pay the staff the basic award wage, that will save something,(it will also cost as well, but thats another post) lets not waste much. Hope you don't get food poisoning somewhere. Lets not pay overtime and make the staff work about 65hours+ for 38 payed. We don't need a wash up, lets save there. Do you get the picture. The restaurants don't make money by charging the customers enough they don't pay there staff for what they are worth.

Pay 15% and Don't Whinge

Now I do hope you remember that next time you dine out and want to whinge about the 15% public holiday surcharge. Check your diary before you head out and don't let your frustration out on the poor waiter that is serving for your pleasure.

Communication And Commitment Or Lack There Of.

2009-05-06T00:52:00.002+10:00

OK so it has been a long while since I was in the hospitality industry and I am told so many things have changed, with that said I am truly dumbfounded how so many things have stayed the same. Customers still to be pleased and everyone is to still keep happy, to the point where its almost impossible to find where you start and the bull-shit waiter begins. Which brings me to my point..

Was I ever as shit at my job, as the new people coming through the industry are?. I think to myself, was I ever as green as the new kid? Does everyone truly have to start from somewhere? Does being able to talk your way ‘out of’ or ‘into’ almost every situation this industry presents, come naturally to some, or is it something that has to be learnt?.

For those that do not know me I have been out of the industry for quite some time, Vowing the day I left I would never return. However opportunities to travel arose and extra cash is needed to do so (that and I do miss it from time to time). So I find myself back working nights on a regular basis at one of the best restaurants my small town has to offer. For a place that prides itself on a high quality of service, it baffles me that we allow new people that barely…”have a heartbeat” able to work within it (although I could hardly call it work at times). The unbearable truth, that is finally starting to dawn is that pickings are slim and we all have to take what we are giving (as hard as it is to swallow). Why is this so??

When I left there were a number of completely different ways of operation; most have changed for the better but one sadly has not, and has changed for the up most worse. Communication… granted I have only worked in 3 different venues, The Railway hotel, Beaches Restaurant and the Plaza hotel. After that I worked as a sales rep for a local food distributor for a long period of time, having the opportunity to witness some truly amazing kitchens, chefs and waiters all over Queensland. I know what a fully functional venue looks like and sadly ones that are not.

I hate to sound like I enjoy blowing my own trumpet like a lot of people do, but if there is a restaurant from Rockhampton to Winton… I have been in it. A claim that any “lasting” member of this particular food distributor can boast. The one constant factor that always shined through for these successful establishments was communication. Weather it be between the wait staff and the chefs or the Executive chef to his single minded apprentice. Weather it be a restaurant supervisor to his/her wait staff.

Gone are the days of everyone getting along joking, having a good time getting along and still providing great service, when all one needed was a nod or a glance and it was known exactly what was needed. Why is it everyone can not all sit down at the end of the night and have a drink and be mates? Are we really that different from each other? Do we not all try to be the best we can be (trained or untrained)? Granted there are some people suffice it to say that just generally wont get along, However I do consider myself a pretty good judge of character and find the staff and the establishment in which I work to be a great bunch of people (all of them). Lets lean from each other and make it work and I think the customer will notice it.

That is as upbeat as I can muster the strength to conger regarding communication. I can not believe the commitment that some staff put into an establishment. I feel like an outsider looking in at times because this industry in so many ways is a hobby, passion and extra pay cheque for me at the end of the week. If I didn't give a 100% at every second of my waking moment there I would bow out gracefully and retreat to another industry. Maybe its work ethic or maybe it’s the love of the industry that drives me to get in the shower after a 9 hr day and make my way to do another 4-6 hrs. I don’t know really what it is, but I do know if I am asked or required to work I am there … If I am told that is how its done…. I do it. Those that are giving it a half arsed effort move the fuck over and give someone the opportunity to experience the opportunity to become a valued member within the industry…. Major wastes of spaces could be better filled with something or someone, in this instance, of value.

The Restaurant Award Wage

2009-05-05T12:03:00.002+10:00

How can it be that getting a pay rise is bad for you and puts your job on the line.

Well it seams once again that the good old hospitality industry is just about to get screwed over.

How? Here is the spiel.

So called hospitality Industry representatives have met to discuss the increase in wage and overtime rates for full-time employees and impose a 25 per cent penalty loading for casuals.
For the majority of the hospitality industry staff this is a much needed and richly deserved award rise.

New Award Raise to make things Worse

Apparently Sydney restaurateur Peter Doyle, who is the national president of Restaurant and Catering Australia said the recession has already resulted in a 10 per cent drop in bookings this year and a new award would make things worse. From the ABC news.
Once again a big bod thinking about his bottom line and not yours.
He said quote "I think if this new award does come in you will see some job losses, we're probably predicting in South Australia alone probably 2,000 job losses, probably 8,000 nationally,"

So Here's The Thing

We all get a pay increase and some will get to lose there job, now that's just great. I think that they are missing the point.
For a start it is one of the lowest paid industries out there, and we all deserve to get a raise regardless of the state of the economy. I bet every thing around you still goes up doesn't it. I bet those big nobs still cash in just fine, you can be sure they certainly don't take a pay cut.

Get Paid what we Deserve

The bottom line is pay the staff in the hospitality industry what they deserve, if you cant do that then pay them the award with the raise. You will still need to keep open to trade. So you will still need staff. Don't cut back on what the workers rightly deserve, but increase the cost of meals and beverage to cover for this. Some restaurants in other states already impose a 10% surcharge on weekends, once again a bit like a luxury tax.
Maybe you still want to charge top dollar, and also cut back on the quality of food and service.
Don't forget the old saying "with peanuts you only get monkeys!!"

Chefs Versus Customers

2009-05-01T22:52:00.007+10:00

I hate customers. A strange comment indeed from a person who has built a career from serving them, but I'm sure you've guessed by now that I'm going to tell you why :)

This thing we are doing now, this site, started for me about 1 year ago. I was working on an island resort off the coast of Brisbane. It is an amazing venue with no expense spared on guest facilities. The luxury rooms are stunning, the location is paradise, the bar and beer garden have one of the best views in the world, but please ,for fucks sake, don't eat there.

I knew the place was in trouble before I went there, but I thought that I would be able to contribute in turning the place around and getting it back on it's feet. How wrong I was! It turns out that the kitchen was an emergency design. The original plans had been for an area twice the size, but due to concerns from environmentalists, it had to be scaled down, and as a result the only real problem was the kitchen.

Now, imagine, you have weddings Friday and Saturday night, both for 120 pax, one buffet, one plated. You've just done 200 for breakfast, 300 for lunch and you're expecting anywhere from 200 to 400 for dinner. You've had 2 staff cook breakfast, 4 cook lunch, 2 on the wedding and 2 prepping. You're all working back to back AFD's (All Fucking Days) well, the ones on hourly as the salary staff refuse to do it. I've had management moan at me all day because their breakfast was cold and lunch times are to long and the banquet chef is half pissed, FUCK! All this prepped from 1 combi oven, 1 shite gas oven and one solid top. The line consisted of a 6 burner, only 3 of which worked, slow gas oven, chargrill, 2 double basket friers, a half size flat top and a really crappy electric oven. The banquet kitchen had no equipment apart from an alto-sham and benches! LOL I'm laughing just thinking about it now.

So, it's 5.30pm, I'm up and down the line, amping all the staff up, up the stairs to check the banquet chef is still serving, and standing! Back down stairs, now the front are moaning because they're hungry, well they can all fuck right off, I'll get some pizzas ready for them. The customers re starting to queue at the doors, WTF? Queue? At the doors? This is insane! Fuck it, get the doors open now and let's go, 100 pax walks into the restaurant, and the 200 in the beer garden start queueing to make their orders, take their buzzer, and wait in the beer garden to get their meals.

The place is going off its fucking tits, it's just not possible to do an 'a la carte' menu for this many people at once. The front of house has gone to shit, staff have walked out, one is crying and the manager is supping a whisky and coke and telling me not to shout so loud as they can hear me in the restaurant! The kitchen has gone to shit too, they're crapping their pants now, and it's an awful feeling, to be in that predicament. They haven't a fucking clue what's going where and who's doing what. Really, I just want to walk out and go and get pissed! It's a disaster, but I'm staying put.

It's getting worse, it's an hour before we can even LOOK at a docket, and then an hour or more until you get your meals. Tables have walked, money refunded. The one guy walks up to me and says "If I don't get my meals in 10 minutes, there's going to be trouble. How the fuck can you call yourself a Chef, this is the worst place I've ever been to." I try to explain the circumstances to him whilst apologising profusely, but it's still not enough for him. He continues, "Who the fuck do you think you are? What's your fucking name? You wanna take this outside, I'll fuck you up!"

The urge to fucking smack this guy in the face was strong LOL, so, I turned my back on him, hoping the low life pond scum and his dirty face kids would crawl back to wherever they came from.

What the fuck is going on here? This was the first of many of these incidents with customers at this particular resort, including some very colourful letters and emails. I got to the point where I was abusing customers back, which I'm not proud of. We had one guy complain, who said he was going to start a group on Facebook against us, to name and shame us. So I started a small group to vent my frustrations at the customer.

So who the fuck is the customer, to tell me I can't call myself a Chef"? Over the years I've heard the same stories, and witnessed similar events in other restaurants. Why is it, that some obnoxious wankers feel the need to harass the waitstaff, to whistle or click fingers at them, excuse me, isn't that for dogs and other animals? It's not funny to reduce waitress cryalot to tears, well it is, but you're ruining the night for other guests ok, we're a staff member down now you dickhead, because she had to go sit down for a while.

Guess what? You can't cook better than me, it might impress the brainless tart you're sitting beside, but by now the word's gone round, and all the staff know that you're a wanker, and the Chefs are talking about the things they would like to do with your girlfriend! What qualifies you, to tell me, The Almighty Chef God, that I can't cook? You know fuck all mate, do you see me coming round and telling you how to plumb your fucking toilet in? If you go to a doctors surgery, if after 40mins or so, do you start to rant and rave telling the reception staff how bad they are and how you'll never come back again? Yes it's supposed to run to a schedule, tight and efficient, but some days just don't work out like that. Better still, while you are speaking with the doctor, do you swear at them, telling them you could do a better job? No? I didn't think so.

So why is it, and it seems to be in the hospitality sector mainly, do we have to put up with this? Well the answer is we don't. If you are a waiter serving a rude table, refuse to serve them, I'll back you up. If you are a chef receiving abuse, give the same back. You don't have to take this shit from customers over a $25 steak, hoping that maybe he'll pay a return visit, Fuck them, tell them to get fucked and never come back, their type is not welcome anymore.

Fucking customers! Watch out for Hellraiser!

You Name It, I Fucked It

2009-04-29T22:24:00.005+10:00

On Tuesday the 28th April, for a function, i was required to make two quiches. Not a problem i thought. Lol i thought very wrong.

Short Crust Pastry

The first thing that went wrong was my pastry base. A simple short pastry was made on the Friday before. The plan was to then roll out the bases and blind bake them on the Saturday so i wouldn't have to when i came in on Tuesday. Unfortunately, preparing the bases slipped my mind until after service on Saturday night when i found the short pastry wrapped up under my bench. (It was put there mid-afternoon that day to bring up to room temperature to make it a bit more maliable.) By this time it was too late to blind bake them, so i left it until the Tuesday morning.

How Not to Make a Quiche

Now, back to Tuesday. Once the short pastry was bought up to room temperature, i began to roll it out. It was, as i found, too short to work with. So asking my Chef what i could do, we decided on transferring it all into a bowl and adding a little more liquid to it. That was all fine. So with my new and improved short pastry, i pressed it into the greased bases and blind baked it for 20mins. All good i thought. WRONG! As i pulled out the par-baked bases i noticed cracks. "No problem" i thought, "ill just patch this up with my leftover short pastry. Oh fuck they're in the bin!"
So making up a very quick new batch of short pastry i finally had something to patch the cracks up with.

The Bloody Egg Mixture

As the bases sat to cool lightly. i made the egg mixture. Heres something no one can fuck up. Oh but i did. I was aware of the ratio of egg to milk, unfortunately, somewhere i miscalculated immensely. 2 egg to 200ml of milk. Right. So how the fuck did i end up with 4 eggs to 1 litre of milk? No wonder i failed maths.
Luckily Super Chef was here to save the day. He had asked me how many eggs i had put into this egg mixture. As i told him, he just looked at me funny and told me to add in four more. Now i had 8 eggs to 1 litre. Still not enough. Super Chef scratched his head and asked me once again if i had enough eggs. I told him what formula i was working from. (Once i had told him, i realized that i was meant to have 10 to a litre not 4 or 8.)With that, i was shot the weirdest look followed by a loud chuckle and an "Oh Cass".

How to Bake a Quiche in Under 10 Minutes

So another problem fixed with the help of Super Chef. The bases were filled and covered with the now perfected egg mix. What else could go wrong? WELL... by the time we had fixed all my little fuck ups, i was running out of time. Thankfully Super Chef once again saved this 'Damsel in Distress' with his trusty microwave. Due to the fact that we had 10 minutes to produce the Quiches (fully cooked) and in the oven they would have taken at least 40 minutes, we had to use the microwaves to get these bloody things cooked in time.
7 Minutes later the quiches where finished. Just in time to plate them and serve. It was not a good start to the day, and the rest of the day wasn't much better.

SUPER CHEF SAVES THE DAY!

Four Things i learnt from this day

1) Never throw out supplies until completely finished with.

2) Know the formula/recipe to work with

3) Never under estimate the power of the microwave

4)I need to screw my head on when i get out of bed =)

Be Aware Of The Greedy Landlord

2009-04-29T16:10:00.007+10:00

Greedy Landlord

This morning I heard some disturbing news. A good friend of mine, a fellow chef, told me that he was having to close the doors to his restaurant. I was in shock at first and as he explained more my shock turned to disappointment and anger.

What the Fuck

Basically the landlord wants to hike up his rent! That's the bottom line. Apparently the landlord thinks that my fellow chef is making a killing and raking in thousands. Are you for real, you fuck wit landlord.
Maybe because you arrive at your snug little pad and see how busy the restaurant is on a Saturday night. Have you ever seen it dead on a week night, I thought not. If you had you would probably know a bit more about how things are in the restaurant trade.

Profit Loss

Just today on the radio ABC I heard that our local tourism members have warned of a huge down turn and profit loss in the tourism industry this year. So how do you, Mr fucking landlord justify a hike that will and has sent one of the best restaurants in our town, shire, central Queensland, over the edge!! Let alone put several members of staff out of work. You greedy bastard, hope you sleep well.

Doing it Tough

Now after doing it tough for the first couple of years he is, sorry was just staring to see the small rewards of his hard work. Not only that, the guy has put his heart and soul into this place, day in day out, when staff didn't show up, when customers whinged, when suppliers failed to deliver, when his own family needed him, he gave all to his restaurant, now you want to take that away and destroy him, you fucking wanker.

The Roll on Effect

Not only will his staff suffer, himself, and others in direct contact with the establishment, so will his loyal customers.
Can you imagine the weddings that have now got to rebook elsewhere.
People would go for breakfast, lunch, dinner, specials events and more. Not any more.

We Need To Stop This

I think something needs to be done to stop this from happening. The people of this town are crying out for good places to go, infrastructure to be put in place, business to start up, but why would you when this can happen to you at any time.
Why should we work all hours to make our business thrive just for some greedy landlord to hike up the rent to take more of your so called huge profit, which you deserve. Surely they can make there money elsewhere.

Excuse Me!!

Lets hope this landlord in question never manages to lease out this premises again. He doesn't deserve to and the unfortunate next occupier will be made aware of his greedy fucking unethical tight arse fuck wit landlord, please excuse the fluent verbal abuse but i am lived.

For the Record

2009-04-28T23:05:00.005+10:00

Dear fellow Ranters!

This site has proved to be far more of a success than we thought, and way more fun too :) I, however, have a few points to make just, "For the Record".

The Chefs Kitchen Rant site was started by 2 full time, hands on Chefs, with 45 years hospitality experience between them. It is a site for ranting, venting, and getting things off your chest, for EVERYBODY, not just Chefs. Some posts are done on days off, some are done before work and more often than not, after work. The after work post will be fuelled by after service buzz and adrenalin, frustration and happiness! We say what we feel at the time, and say it how it really feels. That, as all Chefs know, will include a barrage of swearing, but this doesn't mean negativity!

I will make no apologies for being honest.

More importantly, I personally will not take advantage of this site. It will not be used as a means to attack or degrade my current place of employment or the staff I work with.

If you've read any of my posts, I think you know I'm not one to hide in cyberspace!

I will continue to stir up shit as, and when i feel like it, it's refreshing to hear peoples honest opinions :) Some of you though, really need to dry your fucking eyes.

Lets get more writers on board, tell your friends, get involved and let's have some fucking giggles here.

Hellraiser Chef

Chefs and Waiters

2009-04-26T13:06:00.014+10:00

Wow this is getting hot.
There are Chefs and there are chefs, just like there are Waiters and there are waiters.

Chefs Versus Waiters

This is a follow on from the post Chefs Versus Waiters by Hellraiser, I recommend that you read it first.

Please No Anonymous

I'm not going to address anyone anonymous, I would like you anonymous to give your self a name fake or real it doesn't matter, just so that we don't have to address everyone as anonymous.

Judgment Day

But who is best to pass judgment. A chef that has worked in 5 star hotels and Michelin star restaurants or a chef that has not. A waiter that has done fine gueridon silver service or a waiter that hands you a number to collect your food when ready?
Who would you listen to, to find information about building a successful business, Donald Trump or who's going broke next? You chose....... Exactly

If you can read the posts properly not all of the wait staff are or should be put in the same boat. But let it be known, after many years and eating houses that I have crossed paths with, the few with top class waiters are exactly that, a few.

The Trend

The trend is that you find the best waiters in the best houses. I guess you can also say that about us chefs. True or false? Well if you look at me I would have to say false. I would class myself as a talented chef with a big horse. Being a chef was and still is my chosen carer since the age of 15, now if you don't have a big horse at my age, then something is wrong. You should be proud of your achievements and not be afraid to say so.

Yes everybody can sort of cook, and yes everyone can serve food to a table, but to do it properly with passion and great presence of mind is something else.

Chefs Kitchen Screaming

Not all chefs have to scream at their wait staff, maybe because they are good at what they do...
How does anyone feel good about having to shout and scream at people to get things done, I don't think they can, but you do what you have to do. If a fireman screams at you to get the hell out, or move your ass now, are you going to sit and cry about it and after go and tell him next time please be a bit more polite about it. If it wasn't for him maybe there would not be a next time. People do what they do.

Maybe if I wanted to work with good wait staff I should have stayed in the top tier dinning rooms around the world. But no here I am doing my thing day in day out to a standard that customers are surprised to find in a small town like ours. So, now I ask myself, can it be that all the good competent wait staff are still in those great restaurants? can't be so.

Food Service Industry

Of course waiters are the eyes and ears for the chef and they should be able to deal with any situation that arises, just being pleasant wont do it. So is it fair to assume that the waiters should have some knowledge of the food service industry? Not a brick layer trying to serve a meal with wine thats going to cost someone dearly, when they fuck it up. First in their pocket then their experience. Maybe the food was good but service was poor, how many times have I heard that!! Also how does the waiter deal with the customer that gets his steak over cooked or something else for that matter.

Do you think that Donald Trump deals with his staff any different? He lets them have it big time if they mess up, do you think that the coach of 'whatever' losing team, at halftime pats them on the back and wishes them good luck, I don't think so. Thats just two scenarios that work to a time limit, deadline or whatever you want to call it. When the pressure is on they, you, and I have to produce the goods.

Training

So how are you going to get better at what you do?

Maybe if there was a place that trained floor staff to standards required by paying customers before they land in some restaurant were they are required to perform the duties of a waiter it would save all of us our sanities. But I did forget everyone can cook and serve....

Maybe we are trying for too high a standard.

Tips are a good indication of quality food and service, are you cashing in big?

The Law of Attraction

If we can attract the customer who wants good quality food and service, and who are willing to pay top dollar, then we might be able to all earn more as a result. Ever thought about that.

That customer will dine where he feels comfortable and thats no slop shop. He might end up leaving a big tip and not just a mess on the floor!!!

Chefs Versus Waiters

2009-04-24T22:16:00.011+10:00

I hate waitstaff. As far as I am concerned they are merely the carrier of my work to the intended recipient, and even then they still can't get it right! Waitstaff are the necessary evil I must put up with to fulfill my duties as a Chef, and I hate them just a little bit more than I hate the customers they serve, but I'll keep that for another blog!

I have worked my arse off to become a chef. I have travelled around the world, worked in many different countries and some of the best hotels and restaurants they have to offer. I have been cut and stitched, burned, bashed and broken, physically and mentally. I have had to learn two different languages, French and German. I have to understand mathematics, computers, menu composition, people management and, I still have to be a good cook. It seems to me that the only qualifications needed for a waiter these days is a heartbeat, and even then I find myself searching for that in them too.

They stroll into work at 5 or 6pm, on the dot, with no time to brief themselves of Chef's Specials, table plans, section allocations, and bang, curtain goes up! They are still pulling their pants up when the guests start to arrive, and the chaos begins. I find myself asking the Exec, "What the fuck's going on tonight, who's doing what?" "Fuck knows!" is his reply! :) It's a comedy show to us, and I really do find it amusing, I laugh out loud on a regular basis. It also amuses me to annoy these waiters, just to add to their mounting stress levels, then stand back and watch the show unfold. They're all out there now, panicing, stressing, taking orders for food and drinks. The kitchen suddenly goes from standstill to totally overwhelmed in 30 minutes. There's just not enough oven space, all gasses are full and there's simply not enough bodies in the kitchen to cope with all the orders coming at once. Then we cop the abuse, "How long for table 15?" "Table 3 are getting shitty." "The guy on 6 reckons he could cook better gratin himself!" FUCK OFF! We're working at top speed, as fast and as good as we can, give us a fucking break hey!

I've also been abused by waiters during service, which is like pulling the pin on a grenade, the shit's going to go flying! Years ago in Germany, I had a waiter try to stab me, until he was knocked out by the commis chef!

Why does this happen? Not one of these waiters has any skill in the profession, because that is what it is, a professional job, not a part time money making thing. If it's just for the extra cash, please, go somewhere else to earn it, supermarket checkouts always need staff.

When I was an apprentice, waiters were just like us. They were full time, working the same hours as the chefs, and often more. They had to learn the trade from the ground up, become qualified, and work their way through the ranks to get to the top. They had titles, Aboyeur, Maitre de Hotel, Commis debrasseur, Sommelier and Chef de Rang, to name just a few.

During service time it was a planned and carefully executed show that the guest was unaware of. These professionals had the ability to quote you the menu and take your order without looking at a menu or having a pen and order book, and they could personalise the service and make every table feel like they were the only one in the restaurant.

When they came to the kitchen to pick up food, they were carefully and quietly directed to stand in queue and wait for their table to come up. We were under no circumstances allowed to interact with the waiters, and that is how it was, quiet, organised and working well, with waiters taking their food to their table at the right time. I should mention that waiters were paid even less than chefs, they had to make up their earnings with tips, which could be very rewarding to a great waiter. No tips were shared in the kitchen then, and rightly so.

So what the fuck has happened? No kid is going to want to leave school and earn shit money for years doing shit jobs, just to maybe one day work in a world class restaurant as a chef or a waiter. It's a dying industry I find myself in, and I'm trying to maintain the standards that took so long to learn. So why should I have to put up with waitress cryalot or waiter dumb ass, who does 2 0r 3 hours a night, who wrecks my food when they yank it off the pass, who takes the wrong food to the wrong table or mixes up the well done and medium rare steak, who cant write a legible order, or who won't answer me when I speak? These fucking idiots are spoiling the night for the guest and they are ruining everything I've worked for and making me look incompetent as a chef. They reason the guest has been waiting an hour for their mains is because waiter dumb ass took their food to the wrong table 30 minutes ago and hasn't realised it yet.

Fucking waiters! Seriously, the only reason I put up with them is because it keeps me away from the customer!

Chefs Uniforms, The Reason Why...

2009-04-20T15:52:00.016+10:00

The chefs uniform. When asked the reason behind why Chefs wear checkered pants, the average Joe responded with "because generally Chefs are so dull they cant think of anything a bit more 'flavorsome' (pun intended) to wear".

But the real question is 'Do Chefs even know why they wear what they do?'

Up until a Hellraiser himself actually asked me if I knew the reason as to why I put on that uniform I wear 5 days a week, I had no idea there even was a reason.

But the truth is behind every little detail of a chefs uniform is a very valid explanation as to why it has been designed like it is.

Chefs Hat

Lets start with the Toque Blanche (Chefs hat).
Many people may think it is to keep stray bits of hair falling into food, and that's very correct, it is. But why does a traditional chefs hat have exactly 100 pleats in it? And why are some chefs hats higher than others?
The 100 pleats in the Chefs hat resembles all the ways in which to cook an egg.
Traditionally the Chef would have to demonstrate that he knew every way to cook an egg before receiving the honorary hat.
When designing the uniform, chefs decided that Chefs hats should be of different sizes, to distinguish the cooks from the Chefs. The tallest recorded Chefs hat in History was supposedly 18inches tall worn by Marie-Antoine Careme.

Chefs Jacket

Much of the chefs uniform has developed out of necessity. The jacket, for example, is double-breasted so it can easily be reversed to hide stains that may accumulate throughout the day; the double layer of cotton is also designed to insulate the Chefs body against the intense heat of the stove or an accidental splattering of hot liquid.

Chefs Buttons

Cloth buttons were even developed as they are able to withstand the constant washings and abuse buttons get in the kitchen from the pots and pans.
Now while on the subject of buttons, traditionally it was only the Executive or Head Chef that wore black buttons. Sometimes the Sous Chefs would also don black buttons as a sign of superiority and to distinguish the hierarchy of the kitchen brigade.

In very large establishments that often have several kitchens and up to 100 Chefs, black buttons would also be of great value so a passer by could identify who is in charge of that certain kitchen. Everyone else would wear white buttons as a sign of respect to those in a position of power.

Chefs Pants

The same rules apply with Chef pants. Majority of the kitchen brigade would wear checkered pants with the hounds-tooth print to camouflage spills and stains which might occur on the pants throughout he day.
Only the Executive Head and Sous Chef would wear black pants to further distinguish there superiority. Black pants were also practical for theses chefs as they could go to meetings without having to change their pants.

Chefs Neckerchief

The Neckerchief today is used mainly to give a finished look of the Chefs uniform, but traditionally it's use was to soak up body sweat while working in the hot kitchen.

Chefs Aprons

Chefs aprons must always be below the knee due to spillages being able to run off an apron and onto the floor rather than soaking straight into pants, thus burning a chefs leg.

As you can see from the brief description above, there is a reason why Chefs wear what we do. Many Chefs prefer to adhere to traditional chef's attire-the chefs uniform and its history are something to be proud of. On the other hand, it is understandable that a chef would want to be expressive.

As with anything, the chefs uniform will continue to evolve, who knows what the future has to hold? One thing is certain though, the image of a chef, in a full chef uniform, a pristine white jacket and toque, is recognized the world over as a professional.

Chef's Kitchen Mayhem on Saturday

2009-04-19T20:10:00.013+10:00

You have to see the whole picture to appreciate what really goes on, so lets just try to put you into the action scene. imagine an above average restaurant, a venue that you would book in advance for your night out.

Decent table and chairs, white linen cloths and napkins. Polished glasses and cutlery. Elegantly printed menus.
Dim lighting and background music, are you there yet?
Now throw in some loud chef screaming “what the fuck are you idiots doing,” the crash of his fist on the pass echo's through the dinning room, his face full with anger, a look that would make the average Joe flinch and run away.

Welcome to Saturday night mayhem. This is and should not be taken as the norm for each and every Saturday, nor should it be limited to just Saturday. But listen and learn as you need to see the whole picture to understand.

The Mayhem Starts

During the day restaurant bookings are coming in. The number of dinners grow, but this is Saturday and in the hospitality industry weekends are full on. We as chefs understand this and prepare our produce accordingly.

The clock ticks over and we rush around all day living on air, coffee, coke, air, chocolate, v drinks oh and more air doing whatever is needed to ensure that all is ready for this nights performance. Did I forget to mention that we go out, or home for lunch, Not. We don't, we are too busy serving lunch and prepping up to sit down for lunch or even morning smoko, things that are a given in other professions.

Well the show must go on. The doors open at 5pm and the curtain goes up at 6 or 6.30 or 7 or 8 at what ever time you book. Now again, imagine this, if you are going to see to your favorite artist, pop group or show, would you be arriving late? No f...ing way, so why the fuck do you turn up late, or worse don't even show up for your booking at the restaurant, oh I forgot, you didn't have to buy a ticket did you. That will come in the form of a reservation fee to most places eventually, maybe sooner than you think. With the loss of business in these bad times it could easily send a small restaurant broke, but i will leave that for another day. Back to my show.

Show some Balls

Late in the afternoon we get a call from a staff member with some half ass excuse why they can't work tonight. Now that really pisses me off. Not just because they are letting the team down, not because they are putting extra pressure on the rest of the staff, not because we make the rosta to cope with our business, No, but because us chefs bust our balls to ensure that we can put on our show each and every night no matter what.

We don't just call in because we got a headache, or a bad back or because mummy wants us to go out for nans birthday dinner, you bunch of wusses. For us this is as important as it gets. Do you think we put our heart and soul into our daily grind so that you fuckers can just piss us off. If so you better get out now.

O.k. now you know that the restaurant is full and wuss has called in with whatever, lets just add into the mix a wedding for 90 guests in the function room, ha ha it just got that bit better eh.
But wait there's more.

Curtains Up

By now the adrenalin is flowing and most of the staff have arrived on time I add woo ho. Steady, I didn't say early. Specials are learned, last minute details of the evening are put in place and the curtains go up!

The phone rings, again....again....again....again....sorry sir we are full. Sorry mam we are full, yes at 7, yes and 8 mam. I have often wondered if people just think that they can have a table at a busy restaurant any time they like at the drop of a hat.

Oh they think they can, silly me.

Now lets get this clear so you don't think I am being ridicules, I do understand that sometimes you get home and feel like going out for dinner, and that you just want to turn up, that maybe fine on a week night, even then you could end up disappointed, but not for better restaurants and definitely not on Saturday's.

Mayhem Intermission

Author's note,
Holy cow I have just read my post so far and my blood is pumping full on, I need a chamomile tea to calm down.
Please pause if you feel the need....................................................

The first dinners arrive and we begin to entertain, so well it's eerie The clock ticks over and steadily the wedding guests take there seats. We set the buffet with all our efforts of the day, what a sight, full bowls of salads, hot and cold selections, fish, meats, we have something for everyone. Follow this with desserts and wedding cake tea and coffee. Throw into the mix some alcohol and you have a great wedding night.

Back to behind the scene and into the kitchen, the wedding guests are eating well and fast, we send out refill after refill. With years of experience we know how much food to produce for each size of wedding. Tonight would be no different. But with such big eaters and plates bursting at the edges we are being tested to the limit. Food is being organized from every corner.

Extract from the Chef's Kitchen Service

“Order in chef,” comes the voice from a waiter, “check on chef” from another. “On order” I announce with a voice of authority, “one dozen killers, two pillow, one smoked duck, main course 2 ribs 1 medium 1 rare, one with prawns 1 fish 1 salmon.............. New order, 1 carpaccio, 1 balls, main course 2 duck.............. On order, ½ dozen mornay, 2 prawns, main course 1 rib well done, 1 peppered rib medium, 1 chicken, 1 marinara................” “Order in chef. order in chef.”

“On order” I call again, “ciabatta and pizza entree followed by 2 fish mains, are you ready for more? Yes is the reply.......... “On order, no en tree straight out, 2 rib well done.” “Hey waiter did you tell them it will 30 minutes?” “Yes chef” I get back. We need more fish chef sounds out from the wedding buffet chef. We run around for the fish. “Order in chef, order in chef” the waiter cry.

By this time the later bookings have arrived early and we are still waiting for some early ones. Do you get the picture now.

The orders are flowing thick and fast when suddenly buffet chef shouts “there all through chef,” a huge sigh rains out, but no time to rejoice as the dessert buffet has yet to be served and it's only 7.30.

More orders are called and the bell is rang to call for service, they are now running from table to table. Table two and away they walk with plates of food, but not just ordinary food, food that we have been preparing all day, food that has been cooked with care and attention to detail, not frozen bang it out crap but good fresh quality produce turned into sex on a plate it's that good.

Restaurant Waiter please

Clumsy waiter pulls the plate from the pass and spills the perfectly balanced salad. Stop shouts my chef, stop again rings out, Hey you bring that back I call, don't ever take food from the pass like a bull and proceed to the table with a fucked up plate, do you understand I say, whilst rearranging the picture.
They just don't care I let out to my chef. Now the adrenalin is pumping this is what it's all about busy but in control. for now anyway.

As more and more orders come on the restaurant staff just don't have the experience to deal with the customers all at once, the need to slow and stagger them has all but gone out the door and we have no chance to enjoy our own performance.

Chef needs to scream and bang his fist to get some attention, but by the time they get organized out there we are swamped, it just seems like they want to get all the orders then serve all the drinks, then take all the food and so on.

Hey guys it's not supposed to be like that.... duh.

Breads to the wrong table, desserts not taken quick enough, I could go on and on.

Finally a waiter steps up with balls and faces the chef. Things start to settle and we find some sort of rhythm not the best but the best in the situation we are in. Then my chef shouts the ovens shit it self. The rational oven that we recently had a few dramas with and we thought were all solved, suddenly stopped working. Lucky the wedding hot food service was finished and we had the other 2 ovens to continue with, but as all fine tuned systems run it really puts the whole routine out of whack.

Bloody Apprentice

Suddenly a scream fills the noisy kitchen.............the apprentice has cut herself, she is holding her hand like precious gold, and so it is, they are our tools of the trade and without them we are nothing.

She walks with haste over to me, dripping blood along the floor. The sound of breaking glass and china ring out. I run water over the cut, oh yeah it's a cut alright. I shout out to my buffet chef, take her out back and keep her hand up high with pressure on. The young girl is walking with a wobble now, blood filling the cloth around her hand.

Now you have all probably scene a movie where in the midst of a mass disaster some one shouts is there a doctor on board.

Doctor Doctor

Well It just so happens that I know a few Doctors in town, and tonight this one particular doctor was in for dinner with his fiancee.
They happened to be sat in the middle of the restaurant. I had greeted them on the way in, as I try to do with the majority of people I know.

I shout out his name across the room, he looks over and I wave him to come. I guess that beats a waiting room any day. I escort him out the back to our patient to which he then attends.

Back to my domain I return where I ask for his partner to come to the kitchen. As she approaches I explain quickly what has happened and she then also assists. Our apprentice was in the best hands you could get, her own personal doctor and nurse.

The service has to go on and the other chefs now grew extra 'go gadget arms' as we so often do to fill in.
Suddenly the sound of broken glass fills the kitchen again, “what the fucks going on” I shout as the Saturday night special chef smashes a couple more. All is quiet as we look at him, work continues as we all understand the pressure and presence of mind that is required to finish our duties as true professionals.

The service comes to an end and the last few desserts are sent. We gather together and throw some comments at each other, trying to come down from a high octane night of pressure, frustration, excitement, drama and tragedy.
This is the end of our busy week and this was just one Saturday. How was yours?..............

Hospitality Professionals?

2009-04-19T01:34:00.005+10:00

What is it with you so called Hospitality Professionals out there? What gives you the right to call yourself a Restaurant Supervisor, a Maître d'Hôtel, a Sous Chef, an Executive Chef, or a Barista? What have you done to earn that title? Are you qualified in that area, or did you just happen to fall into that position, because the guy above you did the runner one night?

This pisses me right off. Too many times now have I seen these so called professionals blag their way into a job, and it becomes obvious after a short time that they're thick as 2 short planks.
There's too many people in this industry, who were stupid an uneducated at school, who continue to be so in their working life.

To be good, you have to be clever too. It involves complex thinking, operational skills, multi tasking and raw talent, all whilst working under extreme stress, pressure and temperatures that can be 60c and upwards. Don't come into my place of work, 4 hours after I started, then bleat about how hungry you are, or how your back hurts or how much better you were in previous jobs. I don't fucking care. You're shit and I know it.

There's young apprentices who want to be right up there, cooking and plating the fancy food, but still don't know how to make a Hollandaise, Restaurant Supervisors who can't answer the phone and make a drink at the same time, and senior Chefs with bugger all experience. I myself had to come through the hard way, and there's been some major obstacles for me to overcome in my career. And then there's the customers, who think they know better then me, I don't fucking think so, go back to the chop and slop at your local club.

So let me tell you, if you're one of these "young guns", you're not going to last, you're going to fuck around in life, just like you do at work, loser.

Hospitality Pay Rates

2009-04-17T01:00:00.007+10:00

A couple of days ago I saw an advert for a Head Chef position in Central Queensland, for a newly created establishment. The salary offered was 60 - 65k AUD per year. Not a bad deal I hear you say! Bollocks says I! This particular place has been in the pipeline for some time, touted as the next big thing, and I can only imagine how many millions of dollars have been spent on it, and they want to spend that small amount for a Top Chef?

Any Chef in a Head or Executive position is expected to work a minimum of 60+ hours per week, with some working up to 90 - 100. They are required to be on call 7 days, to cover staff shortages, work all public holidays to save wage costs, split shifts, late shifts, weekends. And this is just the "hands on" cooking job, the administration has to be done in the Chef's own free time. You might think this would result in a huge pay packet with all that overtime, but guess what? No overtime paid! Is this just the Chef industry? I really don't know, but I have friends in other trades, such as electricians, plumbers, builders etc. who work just as hard but get paid for their efforts.

Obviously, when you become a Chef, you know you're going to have to work unsociable hours, nights, weekends and holidays, but as an apprentice you're paid for every hour. With time you have more experience, take better positions, and one day become a Head Chef. If you can't accept these hours, then get out and do something else, it's only the good ones who get this far. But by this time, you're getting paid for a 38 hour week, and getting shafted! Like I have said before, I love my job, I'd rather be happy at work than do some mind numbingly boring shit for lots of cash. So I keep doing it :)

There is not a lot of money to be made in the restaurant game, and part of the reason is because the customer will not spend the money for the privilege of dining out. Jamie Oliver and the like, have told the public it's easy, and you can buy any ingredient you want from the supermarket now! So why would you want to spend $40 on a main course? If you understood what we go through to get those meals to you, perhaps you would appreciate it more.

Hellraiser's Rant

2009-04-13T23:31:00.008+10:00

Hopefully this blog will create some activity between chefs and hospitality staff alike. I have been hearing for 20 years now the grumblings of Chefs and floor staff, here now is your opportunity to let it all out.

I honestly believe that we as Chefs MUST now stand up and be noticed, for too long we have been abused by customers, overworked and underpaid, and the further down the line we get, with more experience and knowledge, the worse things get for us, what the fuck? How does this happen?

I love my job (lucky hey?) and yes, I still take the abuse! I can't give it up, it's my addiction and after 20 years, I'm fucking good at it :) I've been through hell and back to get to where I am, and I'm not going to quit because of some arsehole customer who doesn't know Mornay from Moet, or the fat bastard boss who gets rich from my efforts and skill. Fuck you all!

This is going to be one hell of a blog, keep watching, this is just the start!

You can also follow us here,

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Chefs-Kitchen-Rant/71376173020?ref=mf

Hellraiser.

Welcome to Chef's Kitchen Rant Where We Take No Prisoners

2009-04-13T19:56:00.000+10:00

You wouldn't think that we are actually quite nice guys. However, there comes a time in a chef's life when he or she just can't help ranting about the supplier, the customer or the boss. So, Kenny and I cooked up this idea where we have this blog, duh... the Chef's Kitchen Rant to share our frustrations and anger with you.

This is supposed to be an open minded forum like site where customers can freely share their ideas and views with us without being bashed to death (at least not totally, hehehe...) Consider this a tongue in cheek website to give us all some room to vent.

Looking forward to hearing your rants.

Chef's Kitchen Rant

Head Count Please!

Revenge is a Dish Best Served Cold

To Blog Or Not To Blog?

Social Networking Madness

Chef Tourette's Syndrome

Chefs, Publicity and how to Deal With It

Is it HOT? Yes Chef, Are You Sure......

Taste,Taste,Taste and Taste Again

Whose Customers?

Fuck You and Your Gorilla

New Menu Dilemma

Customers with Dogs

Fresh Seafood Platter on Demand....

Don't Drink & Drive or Drink & Work..........

Looks that decieve

Saturday Night Kick Challenge!!

Soup, Soup, Soup and more Soup

Same Shit, Different Depth

A Chef Is Not a Personal Nutritionist

Kahlua and Milk

Man Down.....er.....No.......Men Down......

Fuckwit Friday and Shithead Saturday

The Training of Apprentices

Guest Post on Banquet Manager's Blog

A Day in The Life of a Young Chef

Want a slice of MasterChef Julie Goodwin

MasterChef Australia

Lack of Leadership. Who's in Control?

Sous Chef or Monkey

Are You Really Sick?

False Advertising

Wobbly Tables

Chefs Versus Customers Revisited

Dirty Staff

Where's The Balls?

Anything You Can Do, We Can Do Better!

Rock Star Retards

I Hate Doing Breakfast, Especialy When......

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Now the deal is

Breakfast Prep

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Things to remember

Garlic Bread

Public Holiday Surcharge

Let me tell you why

Restaurant profits

How Restaurants Make Money

Pay 15% and Don't Whinge

Communication And Commitment Or Lack There Of.

The Restaurant Award Wage

How? Here is the spiel.

New Award Raise to make things Worse

So Here's The Thing

Get Paid what we Deserve

Chefs Versus Customers

You Name It, I Fucked It

Short Crust Pastry

How Not to Make a Quiche

The Bloody Egg Mixture

How to Bake a Quiche in Under 10 Minutes

Four Things i learnt from this day

Be Aware Of The Greedy Landlord

Greedy Landlord

What the Fuck

Profit Loss

Doing it Tough

The Roll on Effect

We Need To Stop This

Excuse Me!!

For the Record

Chefs and Waiters

Chefs Versus Waiters

Please No Anonymous

Judgment Day

The Trend

Chefs Kitchen Screaming

Food Service Industry

Training

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